


“Ferus Olin: The Devolution of Vídharr Sáthiet Orumé Myrthinus Yroídas Cuilrych to Darth Kra’taral”

by Polgarawolf



Series: Star Wars: You Became to Me [53]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anger, Attempted Murder, Attempted Sabotage, Battle, Brainwashing, Charisma, Chosen One, Civil War, Confused Emotions, Confusion, Desire, Devotion, Dreams, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Jedi emotions and relationships, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Manipulation, Exile, F/M, Family Drama, Family Secrets, Fantasy, Friendship/Love, Hero Worship, Hurt, Hypocrisy, Infanticide by Suicide, Infatuation, Jedi Code, Jedi High Council, Kidnapping, Lies, Love, M/M, Manipulations, Masks, Mental Anguish, Mental Disintegration, Mentors, Mind Games, Mind/emotion-bending Charisma, Murder, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Obi-Wan Kenobi equals unrequited love (unless you're Anakin Skywalker), Obsession, Obsessive Behaviour, Omens & Portents, Pain, Possessive Behavior, Prophecy, Protectiveness, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Sith, Sith machinations, Sith'ari, Skewed priorities, Slavery, Suicide by battle, Teen Pregnancy, Temptation, Trust, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love, Visions, War, broken trust, dark side, near-drowning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-31
Updated: 2010-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-14 05:10:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 29,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polgarawolf/pseuds/Polgarawolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is one hundred and eleven random but essentially chronological moments from the life of former Jedi Padawan Ferus Olin, who, after being expelled from the Jedi Order and recruited by Darth Sidious, eventually goes on to declare himself Darth Kra’taral. There is an actual story here – one small thread among the vast woven tapestry of life that is the living history of the galaxy, stretched out and twisted, knotted into the whole, curled down among the roots of time, connecting various moments together – but one must read between the lines to capture it. It is not precisely the truth, for the subtle story of these moments is sketched out here in words, and, in the sin of writing down a life, it inevitably changes the shape of things. But it is nevertheless a form of truth. (From a certain point of view . . . )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. “Ferus Olin: The Devolution of Vídharr Sáthiet Orumé Myrthinus Yroídas Cuilrych to Darth Kra’taral”

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning:** The first time I tried to write a character study piece for Ferus Olin, certain stressful personal circumstances warped the writing process until the story became so dark and twisted that basically there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in a supernova of it actually working for the individual in question for the AU series it was meant to be a part of (namely, **_You Became to Me_** ). I’ve tried off and on since then to rewrite that inadvertent study (entitled “Ferus Olin: The Evolution of Darth Kra’taral Out of Vídharr Sáthiet Orumé Myrthinus Yroídas Cuilrych”) in what I have come to think of as the darkest of all possible potential versions of Ferus (as frankly that version rather frightens me and the thought of him trying to manifest in any of my various AU series pretty much leaves me cold), but that version of Ferus has a particularly strong voice and it’s warped/ruined every single one of those attempts. Oddly enough, though, after watching a movie with the actor who serves as the physical model for Ferus, I’ve found a new, equally strong-voiced version of Ferus, and this is the result of that discovery. So. This story is meant to function as a sort of compressed codex for Ferus’ life, as he has been written (or at least referred to) and is going to be written in my not even nearly complete AU **_You Became to Me_**. If anything doesn’t make sense, please, feel free to ask! There are some things I can’t elaborate on much more, for fear of at least partially spoiling some stories still in the works, but I realize that such a radical retelling of some parts of EU history could be somewhat confusing, so I invite questions from readers who’re puzzled and/or curious! 
> 
> **Story Notes: 1.)** Since this is part of a larger on-going AU series that in some respects fairly closely mirrors or follows events of canon (up to a certain point, anyway), readers should please keep in mind that certain characters and events from the prequel movies/novelizations of the films and even events/places/people referenced in the EU or Expanded Universe may be mentioned or alluded to in this story. If anyone has any questions about whether someone or something is AU, canon, or EU canon, please feel free to ask! **2.)** Readers should probably be aware that I am roughly estimating (guestimating might be a better word) the original publication date for most of the character study pieces in the **_You Became to Me_** series (and indeed most of my stories, especially the ones written over a long period of time), based on when I roughed out notes for them in the story notebooks I carry everywhere with me and when I can recall having worked on certain groups of characters. The year should be accurate, but the month might be off and the day will almost certainly be randomly chosen, since the online account I had originally posted many of these stories to no longer exists. I tend to go back and edit things that are in series whenever I get the time or a new idea causes me to have to make room for something else plot-wise, and odds are good that a story could have been edited for typos as recently as the day of its posting here, but the original version will likely be much older and fairly close to the publication date that I attach to it, if anyone's curious!
> 
>  **Clarification Notes: 1.)** Again, this is compatible with my SW AU series **_You Became to Me_** (if you squint at a few things sideways and view a couple others solely through the lens of Ferus’ admittedly not exactly always reliable eyes!). **2.)** This is technically adapted from some prompt sets that I read on the LJ (I don't know where anymore, but if anyone knows, I'll happily add the information here in my notes!), but I just used the specific prompts as a reason to string together a backstory of sorts for Ferus, not to puruse any actual writing challenge! **3.)** One of the reasons why my AU **Star Wars** series _**You Became to Me**_ is so entirely not even nearly complete has to do with the fact that I really started writing at the wrong end of the prequel trilogy for an AU series. One of these days, I intend to rectify that problem by going back and starting from the beginning, with an AU rewrite of TPM, which is why I took the time to do a character study sketch for someone like Ferus. He'll be showing up again, in a more prominent role, when I get around to that AU rewrite of TPM, possible stories set between that and my _Thwarting the Revenge of the Sith_ trio, and sequels planned for _Thwarting the Revenge of the Sith_ , too. Folks might want to keep that in mind when reading this, since technically this is spoilerish for some (probably several, given how I write!) AU stories that I haven't gotten around to writing yet! **4.)** There will be some further notes down with actual story, as I have run out of room here for them and don't want to simply leave them off!

**The promised addendum/clarification notes section regarding pairings and such in this story (due to having run out of room for them in the actual sections this places sets aside for story notes): 1** **.)** Ferus thinks that he’s in love with Obi-Wan, but it’s a lot closer to obsession than real affection (think Anakin and Amidala, only largely one-sided, with Obi-Wan initially thinking of him only as a very bright, promising initiate and eventually coming to regard him primarily as an unrepentant villain) and, though neither of them realizes it for some time, Ferus’ reaction to Obi-Wan is directly tied to the way he perceives and is attracted to the amount of power (of Force) within Obi-Wan. The combination of the nature of many of Ferus’ strongest gifts in the Force and a (largely unacknowledged) deep-seated need to prove himself a true Firrerreon worthy of acceptance, respect, and awe (with a large side of love/fear) unfortunately tends to incline him towards relationships with an obvious imbalance of power, with him often manipulating others into caring a great deal more for him than he does for them. For example, Ferus permits Darra Thel-Tanis to pursue/seduce him and, at various points, also becomes casual (for him, at least, if not always necessarily for the others involved) pillow friends with (or at least seduces and/or allows himself to be seduced by) many, many others in the Order. His relationship with Tru Veld is . . . complicated. During the period of time covered by this story, he never actually physically meets Roan Lands, any other member of what would have been The Eleven (had the Empire arisen), Trever Flume, or any of the other EU characters Jude Watson writes about in her **_Last of the Jedi_** young adult series who aren’t also either Jedi or else known to Ferus specifically due to his time in the Jedi Order (or at least he doesn’t meet/know such individuals prior to declaring himself a Sith Lord), with a few important exceptions (i.e., Malorum, Hydra, and others who would have been members of the Inquisitorius or agents of the Emperor, had the Empire risen), due to the simple fact that the controversy surrounding his expulsion from the Jedi Order attracts the attention of Darth Sidious, who promptly takes steps to recruit him, sending a strongly Force-sensitive agent to him pretending to be a Jedi who has left the Order on account of its increasing corruption and a desire to work towards bringing true order and peace to the galaxy, without interference from the Senate and the politicking High Council Masters, in order to trick Ferus into allying himself with the Sith. Ferus’ subsequent relationship with Malorum, especially following Sidious’ decision to place the whole of the Byss project under Ferus’ control, is, by turns, dangerously dependent, obsessive, abusive, warped, and unhealthy, to say the very least. Other, potentially vitally important relationships lie in Ferus’ future beyond the scope of this piece, but are uncertain and depend largely on choices he might or might not make, in the future. **2.)**  Erhm, folks should probably keep in mind that this story is PG-13ish/R occasionally sliding into hard R/possible NC-17 territory (?) . . . Some folks might be a wee bit disturbed by some things that happen in this story (sex between minors; attempted murder via drowning; murder; a strange, largely unconsciously wielded Force talent that combines aspects of mind trickery and subjugation/domination of the will with a spectrum of closely related offensive and defensive talents known to the Sith as Force drain – largely based on the ability to sap energy and/or the life-force from other beings, creatures, and even places – that essentially allows Ferus Olin both to mentally/emotionally manipulate many of those around him in such a way as to make them want to love and obey him and to increase his own power at the expense of the energy and strength of his allies/followers and those in close proximity to him; violence; imagined violence; sexual abuse; rape; etc.), so it might be safer to assume that this is R-rated or even higher, for some folks! **3.)** Do I actually need to clarify here that I am not deliberately self-plagiarizing myself, in regards to the other character study sketch for a very AU (and very much so darker) version of Ferus? Well. Just in case, folks, the fact of the matter is that the first character study attempt I made for Ferus was much too dark and therefore a failure, whereas I regard this one as a workable version of a _**You Became to Me**_ Ferus Olin. Similarities in the way that the two character study sketches unfold are, frankly speaking, kind of necessary to preserve the integrity of the multiverse, since both Ferus Olin characters essentially exist in neighboring or (relatively speaking, anyway) closely situated versions of the universe that contains the GFFA. Differences are due to a preponderance of divergence and one cannot even have divergence without story and outside influence, so . . . it takes a while to build up enough internal mass and energy, as it were, to fire a reaction that can and will change enough of the course of a character's life and nature to make that character seem truly different than might otherwise be the case. (Points of possible divergence depend on lynchpins. You have to have enough forward momentum to follow through enough to actually change something important enough to cause enough of a cascade effect of cause and effect and change to really and truly deeply affect or alter the nature and/or choices of a character. It's like . . . mmm . . . reaching critical mass. This Ferus has a chance. The other Ferus . . . well, I don't see him changing enough to turn away from the Sith, now, do y'all?) In any case, it's my belief that there are more than enough distinct differences between the way that events unfold from one Ferus Olin character study attempt to this other (successful!) character study sketch to be able to tell the two works apart quiet easily, and if there's anyone out there who disagrees, well . . . all I can say is sit down and read the two pieces back to back and _**then** _ try to tell me that they don't seem different to you!

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**"Ferus Olin: The Devolution of Vídharr Sáthiet Orumé Myrthinus Yroídas Cuilrych to Darth Kra’taral"**

　

　

 **01.) Empathy:** There are certain primal emotions and concepts imbedded so deeply within the overall Firrerreon psyche – primary among them the notions of supremacy, secrecy, strength, self-interest and the ability to use and manipulate others, and an almost pathological need to excel, to definitively prove one’s superiority – that, when he comes along, merely half Firrerreo and half some bastardized Theelin-Epicanthix-human mix, and proceeds to not only prove himself undeniably superior in terms of development, strength, intelligence, sheer cleverness, and charismatic pull and sway over all others in his age-group (as well as several older age-groups) but to also _feel_ and experience everything around him with such violently passionate intensity that he seems to infect those around him with his emotions, as if through some strange reverse empathy, it is such an unexpected and unwelcome shock to the Firrerreo people that . . . well, perhaps, after all, it was inevitable, from the very first, that he would neither find himself welcome or easy among the vast majority of his mother’s people nor be permitted to try for very long to convince enough others of his worthiness of a place among the Firrerreons to have a chance at making a true home for himself among them.

 **02.) Weakness:** He is . . . not weak, _never_ weak (he easily outperforms children twice his age, both mentally and physically, once he’s old enough to gain some consistent mastery over the movements of his still incredibly young body), but the way he _feels_ things, the way he can not only sense and experience the emotions and needs and desires of others (even dumb beasts whose wants and needs should have no real bearing on the decisions of truly superior sentient beings, such as the Firrerreo) but make others understand and share in those almost exquisitely painfully passionate sensations, is so frightening to so many Firrerreons (who cannot believe it to be anything but a weakness, an imperfection, a serious fault, to be able to feel things so deeply, when the emotions and sensations in question are tied to others, not the self and not even members of one’s immediate clan) that it is largely assumed he is, at the core, so deeply and irrevocably fundamentally flawed that most if not all Firrerreons outside of his clan and his age-group and nearest surrounding age-groups (among which he is universally regarded with the sort of trembling awe reserved for heroes and gods) regard him as damaged goods and an unwelcome drain on society and make no bones whatsoever about wanting him gone from their midst.

 **03.) Welcome:** His clan is powerful and well-to-do and highly respected; his immediate family even more well-connected and wealthy and powerful; and his mother is not only an extremely beautiful, highly intelligent, ruthlessly ambitious young lady, but also exceedingly stubborn and highly skilled at getting her way: it is, therefore, some time before it becomes plain that this is one instance in which his mother will not, ultimately, get her way, despite all of her resources and many quite valuable assets and her undeniable cunning and amorally effective ability to mold and twist others to her will, and (accustomed as he is, by then, to getting his own way and being able to make his agemates see things his way without even half trying) he feels it most keenly, when it eventually becomes clear that he will never be fully accepted by (much less welcome among!) his mother’s people.

 **04.) Rue:** He seriously considers swaying his mother’s opinion, on the matter – she is a proud and stubborn woman, to be sure, and very clever, as well, but she’s not above being manipulated, especially not by him, not by a long shot – but in the end decides that, if so many of these people have such a bad opinion of him that they don’t want him around at all and would prefer to get rid of him, then he doesn’t really want to stick around, either . . . not when it will be far, far more satisfying to go out and make such a name for himself that the whole lot of them will bitterly rue the day that they ever were so foolish as to decide that they could do without him!

 **05.) Ridiculous:** He’s fed some ridiculous line about a particularly highly connected rejected suitor of his mother’s (so maddened by his inability to win his mother over that he’s deliberately, spitefully making trouble over Ferus’ mixed heritage and therefore supposedly suspect loyalties) that’s so obviously been fabricated wholesale (his mother would _never_ become entangled with someone _that_ highly connected without assuring herself first of either her ability to manipulate that person into always letting her have her way or else her possession of enough potentially sordid material on hand to permit long-term control via blackmail) that he would normally refuse to let it stand, pushing and pushing until the truth came out; the lie is delivered with a sort of earnest awkwardness that makes him suspect that it’s been concocted as a way to protect his feelings, though (his mother actually radiating anxiousness), and so, with a frown, he decides to let it go, if only just this once.

 **06.) Different:** It’s impossible not to know that he’s different (special) from the others in the crèche – able to distinctly remember parts of his life previous to being brought to the Temple, unlike the other younglings; able to _sense_ and see and feel the Force at all times, in all things, without having to meditate or concentrate or even particularly try very hard; able to call on the Force and have others be moved by its power to give in to him, during arguments, and to like him and want to take care of him and see to the fulfilling of his wants and needs, rather than disliking or ignoring or even wanting to hurt him; able to do many things that others obviously cannot – and so, like a good Jedi, he does his absolute best to act accordingly (to be a leader; to excel at all things; to aim high and never take "no" or "impossible" for an answer; to shine as the Force so patently wishes for him to shine, given its unstinting aid and support of him) and set an example for others, gathering praise and accolades as well as hearts and minds and leading others firmly but peacefully wherever he goes.

 **07.) Miraculous:** Obviously, he wasn’t simply found or given over to the Jedi to be taken to the Temple for training, like other initiates in the crèche: no, after having been raised among his mother’s people until it became clear that he would never be truly welcome there or even fully accepted, Ferus was smuggled off the planet to Coruscant, where his mother’s littlest brother, on a lark, chose to test his hunting skills by sneaking Ferus into the Temple itself, rather than simply contacting the Jedi anonymously with tips that could (and would) have lead them to Ferus without also endangering any full-blooded member of the Firrerreon people, resulting in the seemingly miraculous appearance of Ferus in the crèche one day, prompting stories that the Force itself had led him there and that he must therefore surely be meant to become a great Jedi and to do great things, in his lifetime, and causing the Order to immediately accept him as an initiate . . . despite the fact that, at nearly five standard years of age, he exceeded the cut off date for human norms and many variants of near-human by almost two years (as most such confirmed human and near-human Force-sensitives aren’t accepted as Jedi initiates past the age of three, unless the Grand Master and/or the High Council specifically decides to make an exception to the rule), the failure of the Jedi Healers to identify him as a Theelin-Epicanthix-Firrerreo-human mix, rather than a borderline human norm, and their subsequent incorrect estimation of his age at approximately two standard years, in combination with his careful silence on the subject, permitting him to enter the ranks of the Jedi initiates unchallenged by any and welcome by all.

 **08.) Mature:** The Epicanthix people are much closer to being baseline human norm than they like to admit, their basic physiology such that they age and mature at essentially the same rate (on average, about two percent more quickly) as human norms; Firrerreons, on the other hand, mature mentally quite fast (faster than human norms), but their physical maturation tends to lag slightly behind the human norm, and their natural lifespans tends to run, on average (if they can manage to die of old age/natural causes), between fifteen to twenty percent longer than those of human norms; moreover, Theelins have a much slower rate of age and, generally, approximately a thirty percent longer lifespan than not only human norms but also most near-human species within a certain range of percentage of differentiation from the human norm: unsurprisingly, the mix of bloodlines is such that, while Ferus’ mental maturation is easily at least half again that of even a strongly Force-sensitive human norm, his rate of physical maturation perceptibly lags behind that of a human norm (and most near-humans whose basic physiology approximates that of human norms), sufficient not only for the Jedi Healers to underestimate his birthdate by nearly three years, but for most individuals to consistently assume him to be between three to five years younger than he actually is until around the time he reaches his mid-twenties (an age when the Force begins to perceptibly affect most human and near-human Jedi anyway, so that the aging process seems to slow and even, in some cases, to stall for a decade or two, the near-constant close proximity to and immersion within its energies naturally encouraging the body to remain as fit and energetic and healthy as possible, with the eventual result being an oddly ageless sort of youthfulness that tends to make most human and near-human Masters look decades younger than they truly are and permit them to move like Jedi barely old enough to have been Knighted, even when personal tragedies and/or excessive wear and tear on their bodies have blunted or even counteracted that affect of youthfulness).

 **09.) Name:** Ferus Olin is the name given to him by his father, not his mother – his father, being of mixed descent and a warrior for hire, is of those whose fame and fortune depend largely upon the wide-ranging renown of their individual names, and so there is no taboo or stigma against the advertisement of such a name, as there is with the name given him by his mother – which is why he doesn’t mind how many beings know it or how many times he’s called by it aloud (he _might_ gift his Master with his true name, Vídharr Sáthiet Orumé Myrthinus Yroídas Cuilrych, as given to him by his mother. Maybe. _Perhaps._ If he’s fortunate enough that his Master is someone he feels to be absolutely worthy of being gifted with the trust of that much power over himself, that is), once he’s been accepted by the Temple, though it does take him a while to get used to how unguarded and unthinkingly free other beings are with their own true names.

 **10.) Challenge:** It doesn’t really take a whole lot of effort to excel at the curriculum used in the crèche, but it _is_ something of a challenge to figure out ways of getting at the information and skills that are taught to the older younglings – the Padawan hopefuls and the actual Padawan learners – without getting caught, either in the process of accessing said information or learning said skills, especially when compared to his largely undemanding (often downright dull) days among his mother’s people, so he manages to keep himself occupied and fairly content, even though he can’t help but feel as is he’s marking time until the day he finally becomes a true Jedi more than anything else.

 **11.) Breathless:** Ferus has been in the Temple for about a year the first time he sees Obi-Wan Kenobi up close – an accident resulting in some injury to himself after a bad fall has sent him to the Healers’ Ward, and he’s there having bacta patches applied to his legs while a Master Healer marshals the Force to heal a tiny crack in his right ulna when Knight Jinn rushes into the Ward with his Padawan laid out on a repulsorlift stretcher hovering midair, Obi-Wan attempting to insist that he could have walked and that his Master should go ahead and give their report to the High Council, instead of making the Masters wait, even though he’s clearly anything _but_ fine, so battered looking that Ferus has a hard time believing he’s still conscious (all evidence to the contrary!), much less cognizant enough to be able to argue so clearly – and he’s rendered so breathless by the blindingly bright quality of the Force around Obi-Wan that it’s not until black spots start dancing before his eyes that he remembers he has to breathe again, and it is then, when he realizes that this damaged young Padawan is both of an age to be able to become his Master some day and that he’s like a supernova in the Force compared to the candles or lanterns or mere bonfires of power that all other members of the Order are, that he knows absolutely that Obi-Wan Kenobi _must_ become his Master.

 **12.) Argument:** The argument is eventually won when Adia Gallia sneaks up behind Obi-Wan and touches her hands to his shoulders, somehow sending a wave of the Force down into his body in such a way as to cause him to instantly fall unconscious, allowing the Healers to work on him much more quickly and efficiently than they otherwise would’ve been able to; however, because Obi-Wan is Obi-Wan, the technique doesn’t last nearly as long as it should have, for the Healers assure Qui-Gon Jinn that Obi-Wan will be out for the rest of the evening and so won’t even be able to notice, much less be bothered by, the other occupant of the room, and yet, less than two hours after the room has cleared out (Obi-Wan’s Master departing with Master Gallia and the Healers departing soon afterwards, with a stern injunction to Ferus to rest and allow the bacta and the Force to do their work, so that he will be able to leave in the morning and return to his classes in the crèche), Obi-Wan awakens with a sudden start and, pinning Ferus in place with blazing eyes as pitiless and as beautiful as twin blue suns, irritably demands, "I suppose I’m to stay here for the night and you’ll yell for the Healers if I attempt to get up, won’t you?"

 **13.) Irresistible:** Obi-Wan, as it turns out, is both quite careless of his health and extremely grumpy at being forced to rest and recuperate when he feels perfectly capable (or as if he _should_ already be perfectly capable) of being up and about and working on doing more useful things than just sleeping; however, he’s also quite friendly – especially given someone he feels is in a similar predicament, once Ferus makes it clear to him that he’s been ordered to remain overnight as well, even though he feels fine enough already to go back to his bed in the dormers – and such a marvelous storyteller that he’s quite capable not just of making time go by quickly but of enthralling Ferus to the point where time loses all meaning and interruptions are so unwelcome as to make just the thought of the young Padawan having to fall silent as repugnant and awful as torture, and Ferus feels so deprived, when a Healer conducting rounds comes in to find them both awake and Obi-Wan weaving an irresistible spell of glamor and excitement and action that, fully cognizant of his distress, the Padawan smiles at him (making his heart stutter) and promises that, since the Healer insists they need their sleep, before the week is out, he will come visit Ferus down in the crèche and finish his story, making Ferus feel as though he’s the luckiest individual alive under all the suns of the galaxy.

 **14.) Light:** Being around Obi-Wan is like being around the light of the Force (the _Light_ ) made flesh, calming and warming and wonderful and fascinating and intoxicating and awesome and a thousand and one other utterly delightful and mesmerizing sensations that sparkle and fizz and break upon him like foaming airy bubbles of pure _joy_ and make Ferus feel like he’s floating midair, buoyed up so far that he’s barely tethered to his body at all, and, for the life of him, he cannot comprehend how other beings can fail to _sense_ and _feel_ the cradling embrace and sheer, irrepressible pull of so much concentrated power, Obi-Wan’s relatively small body exerting a force that, to Ferus, is as ineluctable and inevitable as gravity.

 **15.) Politics:** There are things about Temple politics that Ferus doesn’t always understand, and the rather bizarre attitude of the High Council Masters towards Obi-Wan and his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, is one of them, especially once he learns about the mysterious so-called malady (clearly a psychic attack of some kind, in his considered opinion) that put Obi-Wan into a coma for over a year, when he was a boy only a little younger than Ferus is now – clearly, the boy was deliberately injured in an attempt to rob the Order of an extremely valuable member: just as clearly, Obi-Wan’s so remarkably powerful that even such an obviously full-blown attack couldn’t kill or even permanently disable him, though he was patently injured badly enough that, for the life of Ferus, he cannot understand how or why the need could have escaped the Healers and Council Masters to properly retrain him, when he came out of his coma, instead of just throwing him back into the crèche with most of his memory utterly erased, as they apparently did (and if he didn’t know how ridiculous the idea is, he’d suspect that the Healers deliberately sent Obi-Wan back to the crèche like that, to hinder any effort that might be made to bring Obi-Wan back up to the same levels he’d been operating at, before the attack, as though the Masters wanted him to take as much damage as possible and be just as weakened as possible from the whole ugly experience, for some bizarre reason, instead of wanting to help and protect him), just as he also cannot understand how it could’ve apparently escaped the attention of so many Jedi that Obi-Wan had been deliberately attacked – and he can’t help but wonder, sometimes, if there isn’t something that he’s missing, somehow, some vitally important piece of information about Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon or the Masters who make up the High Council that would explain it all and make such otherwise inexplicable occurrences and actions make some kind of sense.

 **16.) Vision:** He gets along with essentially all of his agemates; Darra Thel-Tanis and Tru Veld are the two he usually spends the most time with, though – Darra because she’s both sweetly pliable and easy to influence, in a pinch, and yet brilliant enough that he can already tell she’ll make an excellent Consular, in another three or so decades; Tru because the Teevan is, quite simply, the most fascinating of his fellows among the initiates – and, since they are, thus, the ones who get to act as sounding boards and listen to his musings about Obi-Wan, it’s really not so surprising that Darra’s the first one to suggest that perhaps the amount of interest in and meddling with the Padawan’s life on Yoda’s part may have something to do with a vision the Grand Master has had or some kind of prophecy concerning Obi-Wan.

 **17.) Chosen One:** The prophecies of the Chosen One – even the most basic and widely repeated ones, which could be considered famous enough to be known beyond the realm of the Jedi and extremely highly versed archivists and/or collectors of ancient folklore – are not, precisely, considered appropriate reading materials for initiates who aren’t even halfway through their time in the crèche; Ferus, though, is determined to figure out what Obi-Wan is and the suggestion of visions and prophecies _feels_ right, to him, so he enlists Tru’s help (Tru already being a fairly skilled slicer, able to finesse ways into all kinds of computer files and holo records that are supposed to be encrypted and/or protected by multiple layers of passwords) and sweet-talks Knight Tahl into sort of helping (as much as he can without her ever becoming aware of just what it is that he’s trying to find, anyway. She may be very sweet and helpful, but she’s also too close to Master Jinn for his comfort) and, eventually, by means of a reference to the prophecies in another file, finds his way to a copy of one of the newest variants, reading with almost greedy eagerness of the one who will be born a pure vessel of the Force’s light, able to cleanse and bring balance to the Force and the universe, knowing without doubt that Obi-Wan _must_ be the one.

 **18.) Deliberate:** Darra is the one to suggest that Obi-Wan’s supposed illness, as a child, might have been a deliberate attack – an actual attempt to kill him by Dark forces bent on stopping the Chosen One from fulfilling his destiny – and Tru responds by suggesting that maybe they should be trying to keep an eye on him, in case those responsible seek to try it again, which is how the somewhat bemused Padawan suddenly finds himself something of a favorite among Ferus’ agemates in the crèche, his steps in the Temple constantly shadowed by watchful initiates.

 **19.) Easy:** Obi-Wan, though extremely intensely passionate about many things (including the need to protect and watch over his Master and the absolute necessity to always help those in need of aid), is surprisingly easy to get along with, polite and charming and charismatic and cheerfully tolerant of (if also apparently perpetually bemused by the constant presence of and somewhat awkwardly unsure how best to respond to) the younglings shadowing his footsteps, even taking the time to speak with them seriously about their studies and their hopes and dreams and fears, patiently helping with their problems (even while claiming, all the while, that he’s not very good with younglings and that they should please excuse his clumsiness and inability to quite know what to say or do around them) and, in the process, making the initiates love him to the point of worship for his gentle (and occasionally wickedly funny) good humor and unstinting kindness, which in turn only makes them want to be close to him and help watch out for him even more than they had when they’d just been shadowing him as a way to make Ferus happy, a result that Ferus is both wholly unsurprised by and all too pleased with.

 **20.) Bond:** In all honesty, Ferus is far too young for the kind of reaction he’s having to Obi-Wan – he’s heard of how a mate will react to his heartsease, the other half of his soul; knows that his mother’s people considers the pairing of a mated heartsoul bond the highest, most sacred of ties, teaches individuals how to recognize the sensations of such a pairing, and even allows for the formation of temporary contracts that may be broken, in the case of those who have yet to find their other halves; understands that the paradoxical sensation of coming home and of aching with loss is a definite warning sign, one that has been taught among the Firrerreon people for at least as long as they have been Firrerreons; comprehends the phantom sensation of burning in all his limbs as ghosts of pleasure yet to come; knows that the lightheaded giddiness and unrestrained sense of lightness and joy presages the bliss of a fated union; and is absolutely certain, the longer he thinks on it, that Obi-Wan is the only one he wants far enough within him to fill every crevice of his mind and reap every iota of his heart and soul: none of these things, though, negate the fact that he is, quite simply, physically, physiologically too young to be responding as an adult to his intended mate – and so he finds it more than a little incredible that Obi-Wan’s smile can make him want to recite romantic poetry, his touch triggering so much heat that his cheeks flame and his entire body aches to lean in, cuddle close, press kisses to every millimeter of pale flesh available for worship, Obi-Wan’s mere proximity (his presence alone – hell, sometimes even just the _thought_ of him being nearby) enough to make Ferus react like (and want to behave like) an adult so deeply in love that he’s quite certain that only someone insanely delusional could ever doubt that he is reacting to the one destined to be his mated pair and complete him on all possible levels (mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical).

 **21.) Dance:** The first time Ferus and Obi-Wan cross ’sabers, he’s barely ten (though the Healers would of course say he’s not yet eight) and it’s not just an instructional session where Obi-Wan watches him and guides him through the steps of a new practice kata and he has to fight so hard not to lean back and let his body mold itself to Obi-Wan’s greater bulk that it hurts (though he will be taller someday, he can tell – and oh, but it’s a delicious thought, to be able to tower over him and to have leverage on his side, when that day has come! – if not for another handful of years, at the very least), and he knows he finally has a worthy opponent, so he lets go of all the restraints that’ve kept him from ever trying to fight to the fullest of his ability, relaxes into the Force as deeply as he can possibly go, and turns loose and _flies_ , his heart and soul singing with joy, aware that Knight Jinn and three others are watching with an increasing amount of shock and awe and simply _not caring_ what any of them think, pushing himself and pushing himself until he can sense a shift in his opponent, Obi-Wan opening up in a way that he knows means the Padawan isn’t consciously holding back any longer, a wildly fierce smile blossoming on his face as he glides past Ferus and draws him up into a flying leap and series of aerials that has them both laughing, Obi-Wan’s effortlessly graceful motions pulling Ferus along into a dance unlike any kata he knows or has ever seen or read about, the motions coming to him through the Force, automatically moving him in time with Obi-Wan, the sparring session ending only when a loud shout from the onlookers draws his attention for half a heartbeat, breaking his concentration enough that he goes down, literally, Obi-Wan sliding in up close, sidling up beneath his guard, flowing like liquid into his personal space and then up around him, free arm looping down around his ’saber arm and, in a bold and unexpected move, sliding down to his hand, ghosting along wrist and fingers, breaking his hold more from shock and sudden arousal than force, a twining leg hooking around his left leg and pulling him off balance, sending him tumbling, Obi-Wan’s body following, caging him, left hand sliding down to hook strong fingers in the leather belt around his sash, holding his weight enough to make it more of a controlled but very fast lowering of his body to the floor and less of a sudden crashing to the ground, Obi-Wan sinuously following him, slim body undulating down over and up across him, ending with Ferus flat on his back and straining against the desire to arch up against the warm body pinning him and Obi-Wan grinning down at him manically, electric blue lightsaber blade gleaming between their bodies like a promise or a dare, humming where it doesn’t quite kiss his neck, actually winking at him when that voice (the Weapons’ Master, who has never seen Ferus perform at more than half his strength and skill level) shouts again, furiously demanding to know how much he’s been holding back in his regular sparring matches and why and recalling him to the present and the potential gravity of his situation with almost panic-inducing suddenness, until Obi-Wan leans in to breathe against his ear, "Don’t worry – just tell him the Force was guiding your every move today, until he broke your concentration. I used to do that all the time, as a youngling," at once making him relax and making him all but twitch with impatience for the future, more sure now than ever that not only does he need Obi-Wan to be the one who will become his Master but that he is the one meant for him, body and heart and mind and soul.

 **22.) Pair:** He spars often with Obi-Wan, after that, and it’s not long before stories about their matches have both drawn a sizable crowd to all of their prearranged sessions (even Mace Windu coming to watch them, the Korun Master commenting with admiration on the way they instinctively compliment each other, seemingly effortlessly blending moves from various of the named lightsaber forms into an unbelievably lovely and potentially quite deadly dance) and spawned rumors about how they _must_ be meant by the Force to become a bonded Master-Padawan pair, given how wonderfully they mesh, and the rumors and Obi-Wan’s attention please him so much that he can’t help but feel a bit of trepidation when he notices that the Grand Master has apparently taken note of their exceptional sparring matches, too, and, from the looks of the dark expression on his wizened little face, isn’t precisely pleased with what he’s seen of them.

 **23.) Revelation:** When Ferus is, according to the age assigned him by the Healers, about ten and a half, Darra talks him into a private sparring match one afternoon when they both have some free time (something he permits her to do without putting up too much of a fuss, because Obi-Wan is away on a mission and it’s occurred to him that the Grand Master’s apparent displeasure with the way he and Obi-Wan have fallen together might be caused by something as simple as Yoda suffering from the misapprehension that all of the attention Obi-Wan has been paying him has given Ferus a swelled head and made him believe he’s too good to interact with his agemates anymore), and it is then, halfway through what seems like a fairly interesting match (though he knows she would be no match for him, if he were to fight at anything close to his full capacity), when he gets her in a close bind, the blades of the practice lightsabers crashed noisily together, Ferus using his greater upper body strength to gradually press the blades back towards Darra, that he has a revelation, for Darra, eyes dilated wide and panting even though they haven’t really been at it long enough to work up a real sweat, falters unexpectedly, goes down gracelessly in a sprawling mess that would’ve shamed an initiate even half their age, and, in her uncontrolled flailing about, accidentally knocks him off-balance enough to bring him down squarely on top of her (only just missing knocking their heads together painfully), at which point, as he tries to apologize for crushing her and untangle himself enough to scramble back to his feet, she lets out a little breathy moan, body arching beneath him as she reaches up, twining her left arm around his waist in such a way that her hand ends up resting squarely on his right cheek (fingers molding themselves to him and kneading restlessly at the muscle), and pulls him down into a kiss made clumsy by desperation.

 **24.) Please:** He’s taken for granted the fact that he’s charming and that beings who tend to spend a lot of time in close proximity to him most often love him; yet, the possibility that others could be physically attracted to him is not a notion he’s thought about in great detail, even though he knows that his body is technically already mature enough now for reproduction, given his true age of fourteen, and so he’s surprised by Darra’s sudden ardor, though certainly not so shocked as to fail to take advantage of the offer – Darra is, after all, extremely mature for her age (and besides, everyone knows that, as a rule, human and most near-human females tend to mature physically – and therefore sexually – more rapidly than males), quite lovely in her own fresh-faced way, and in possession of the most wonderful smokey, husky voice, like something one might expect in an old holodrama – and his eyes are so thoroughly opened by the experience that, afterwards, it’s almost as if a veil has suddenly been ripped off of him, allowing him to see that there are many, many individuals in the Temple and its immediate environs who are all ready and willing to help please him.

 **25.) Sense:** Obi-Wan has taken a vow of some sort and uses the Force to ensure the keeping of it (it’s a much bemoaned fact amongst not just the residents of the Temple, but visitors – clients and friends of the Order – as well), and so Ferus tells himself that, if he ever wants a real shot at having Obi-Wan absolutely (not just as a Master, but in every conceivable sense of the word, as his true partner), he’s going to need to be able to convince him (seduce him, in other words), and so will need as much practice and experience as possible, to be able to wear Obi-Wan’s defenses down and win him over, meaning that (even though he’s not really a sensualist or a hedonist or anything like that) it only makes sense for him seduce and/or allow himself to be seduced by everyone in the Temple he possibly can (since he is, after all, an eminently practical man!).

 **26.) Wrong:** There are rules against having possessions and rules against forming attachments and rules governing/prohibiting most strong emotions in general (and not just the negative ones, either!); however, there aren’t actually any rules against having a good time while doing one’s duty by the Force and according to the Force’s will (if there were, Qui-Gon and many other Jedi like him would be out of a job and the High Council would find itself lacking several key members, including a certain gleefully mischievous leader), and the Order actually encourages experimentation among its young and casual encounters among even its oldest members (these so-called "pillow friends" escaping the stigma of attachment due to the assumption that such encounters are and will always be highly casual in nature, though even he can see that this isn’t necessarily – or even nearly – always the case), so it’s not as if Ferus is doing anything wrong, in taking advantage of all the opportunities being presented to him to have an even better time than he already was, no matter how much or how badly his conscience might twinge at him for indulging in so many distractions (the thought that he is, in some way, being unfaithful to Obi-Wan, even if it is in pursuit of the knowledge and skills he’ll almost certainly need, to be able to eventually win Obi-Wan over enough to get him to break that damnable vow, constantly niggling away at the back of his mind), though apparently that’s a distinction that’s a lot harder to get his heart to accept than it is to simply reason out.

 **27.) Situation:** He hears about how Darsha Assant and her Master have both gone missing in Coruscant’s underlevels and, knowing that a recent fluctuation in the Force would seem to indicate the sudden death of a Jedi, begins to have a bad feeling about the situation even before he can be told that the Grand Master intends to send Obi-Wan out hunting for them, the creeping sensation of dread so bad that he accidentally on purpose directs his path through the Temple up to one of Obi-Wan’s favorite gardens, searching him out in the midst of meditation as if he were merely looking for a nice, quiet, warm place strong with the Living Force in which to meditate himself, just so he’ll be able to see him and speak to him awhile (and reassure himself that Obi-Wan is fine and is of course quite capable of taking care of himself, no matter what kind of trouble he might end up finding in the underlevels) before he can be sent out on his solo mission.

 **28.) Luminous:** Obi-Wan quite literally luminesces with power, when he meditates deeply and believes himself unseen/unobserved – his body glowing like a lit lamp, shimmering ethereally in a way that never fails to remind Ferus of Yoda’s famous lecture about how all Jedi are luminous beings and not just mere flesh – and Ferus could easily sit for hours, entranced, enthralled, doing nothing but watch the play of light shimmering within and radiating outwards from Obi-Wan like waves of billions upon billions of miniaturized suns, as though each particle of his body were part of a tiny universe, slowly but surely revolving around the singular core of energy at his heart; today, though, he feels he has great need of speaking to the young man, so he deprives himself of the joy of watching for much more than just a few minutes, settling down into an attitude that mirrors Obi-Wan’s restful posture before reaching out, and, greatly daring, sliding his thin fingers around Obi-Wan’s calmly folded hands, lacing and securing their fingers and gently squeezing until, with a long sighing exhale, the glow gradually begins to fade from Obi-Wan’s body, sinking back into his skin as if being pulled in on the tide of some low ebbing moon, as he rises slowly but surely through layers of deepness of meditation, surfacing back towards full consciousness, the relaxed posture of his body and laxity of his hands (permitting the perhaps overly familiar touch, accepting it, not flinching away in surprise or rejection), as they rest around and against and under Ferus’ gently squeezing grip, warming Ferus thoroughly, despite the presence of what feels like a block of ice lodged deep in the pit of his stomach.

 **29.) Worry:** When Obi-Wan smiles at him and tilts his head slightly to the side, wordlessly inviting him to speak, Ferus’ heart seizes and the breath feels as though it’s solidified in his throat and lungs, and it takes several long moments of struggling to regain control over his body before he can speak, breathlessly murmuring, "I’m sorry to disturb you when you’re meditating, but I – I was hoping to see you, because – because I think the High Council means to send you out after Padawan Assant and Master Bondera, and I – I have a _really_ bad feeling about their disappearances, I – I feel as if there’s a great evil at work in the underlevels, I – I sense a great disturbance in the Force, as though something Dark were present and something terrible were about to happen – as if it already _were_ happening, in part – and I – Obi-Wan, I know you’re very powerful and very clever and very much so in tune with the Force’s will and voice, but I – I just have such a terribly bad feeling about this whole thing, and I really needed to tell you to please, _please_ , for the Force’s sake, _please_ be extra, extra careful, if they send you down there alone!" his delivery (at once rapid and awkwardly halting, worry making him stumble and stutter slightly over the sentiments he’s trying to convey) raising Obi-Wan’s eyebrows and causing the gentle questioning look to be replaced first by serious attentiveness, next by thoughtfulness, and finally by so much quietly unwavering bravery and determination that the sick feeling of mingled worry and _wrongness_ solidifies into such a certainty of disaster that it’s all he can do to keep from clinging to the Padawan, to try to bodily restrain him from rising and leaving on this mission.

 **30.) Careful:** At the first hint a of rumor of Sith involvement, Ferus _knows_ , with the kind of unquestionable absoluteness that only comes from the Force, that the Sith only pretended to be wiped out, after Ruusan, to gain time and space enough to hatch some terrible plan of vengeance against both the Order and the Republic, for ever daring to stand against them, and the instant he hears someone mention Naboo, that’s it, he doesn’t even have to stop and wait to try to think it through, he just lets the Force take over his mind and body and direct him to where Obi-Wan is, and not even the fact that he’s apparently one of several beings who’ve been prompted to hunt him down and warn him to be careful or the realization that Obi-Wan surely must intend to truly try to be careful or else he wouldn’t have already promised so many he would do his best to take extra care can really do anything to calm the raw panic suffusing him.

 **31.) Good:** He sees the Tatooine slave child that idiot Qui-Gon Jinn thinks is the Chosen One briefly, just after he’s arrived at the Temple, and is completely unimpressed by the chubby-cheeked little brat – he’s dirty; he’s uncouth; he’s pathetically eager to please (a potentially deadly fault, for a Jedi) and ridiculously possessive of the beings he happens to be attached to (a definite no-no for a Jedi); although undeniably strong in the Force, he burns with the ferocity of a wildfire (all unrestrained destructiveness) and none of the purity or awesome power that Obi-Wan possesses; and, while perhaps somewhat cute/charming in an overly perky and/or pouty sort of way (the boy seems to vacillate wildly between the two extremes, with so much rapidity and frequency that it’s downright alarming), is certainly nothing at all memorable or remarkable – the only good thing about the child’s presence, in Ferus’ opinion, being that Knight Jinn’s excessive interest in him indicates that perhaps _now_ Qui-Gon will _finally_ let Obi-Wan go, making it possible for him to speak to Ferus at last about eventually taking him on as his Padawan learner.

 **32.) Desperation:** One of the first and only times Ferus initiates a conversation with a Master he has no real legitimate reason whatsoever to be speaking to occurs when he finds out that Qui-Gon (having apparently become so fixated on the slave boy that he’s dismissing the possibility that the attacker on Tatooine is probably the same Sith warrior who nearly killed Darsha Assant in favor of assuming that the Zabrak’s just a bounty hunter sent out by the Trade Federation to track down and take out the Queen of Naboo) has been sent to escort Queen Amidala back to Naboo, with Obi-Wan and the Tatooine slave but no other backup at all (aside from the pathetic few guards, servants, and whatnot that the Queen managed to bring with her away from Naboo), and desperation drives him to seek out Master Dooku and beg him not to let them go there alone; unfortunately, the discussion doesn’t go very well, though, ironically, many years later, Darth Tyranus will tell him that he should have heeded Ferus and gone to Naboo with them.

 **33.) Agony:** Ferus _feels_ it, when Obi-Wan kills the Sith, of course – it’s as though a cloud of darkness has exploded outwards violently into the Force, rushing past at such a speed that it’s gone almost as soon as he feels it – but Qui-Gon’s death causes Obi-Wan so much pain that it literally brings him to his knees, in the middle of a practice kata, the sudden spike of agony so overwhelming him that it’s hours before he can think clearly enough again to even begin to truly try to understand what’s happened.

 **34.) Worst:** The worst thing, the absolute _worst_ thing, isn’t even that his Master has been stolen away by some utterly undeserving snot-nosed sand-grubbing guttersnipe former slave from the back end of the galaxy: no, the worst thing is that all anyone seems to be able to do is to talk about how wonderful Anakin Skywalker is and how he must truly be the Chosen One, to have been able to destroy that droid control ship and to make the Grand Master and the rest of the High Council members change their minds about allowing him into the Order – as though the Force wouldn’t have grabbed any nearby Force-sensitive and used that being in precisely the same way, for that one lucky shot! As if no one is capable of putting together the fact that there’s now probably an extremely pissed off Sith in need of a new apprentice running about the galaxy and wanting revenge with the notion that it wouldn’t exactly be a good idea to leave any stray strong Force-sensitives floating about outside the protection of the Order (especially not if the child in question has built in issues with emotional control and reasons to have anger issues – which having been a slave for the majority of his life has essentially guaranteed – and most especially not if the boy in question is likely to carry a grudge against the Order for being refused training) and understand that the Council Masters’ hands are tied and they cannot safely (in good conscience) do anything else but take Anakin in and at least _attempt_ to see to his training – and that no one seems to even begin to grasp how important what Obi-Wan has managed to do, in killing that Sith warrior, truly is . . . not even Obi-Wan himself, who seems just as enthralled with Anakin as everybody else, to the point where he doesn’t even seem to _remember_ Ferus anymore and the only even semi-logical explanation involves the boy being a glamour-weaver of such skill that even the Council members aren’t immune to his (false!) charms.

 **35.) Insane:** In his considered opinion, the whole of the Order has gone insane, when it comes to this whole Chosen One business – every single time he looks at Obi-Wan, he sees light and life and love and beauty and everything truly good in all the ’verse and he _knows_ , absolutely, that he is the one, that there’s no use doubting or wondering or trying to search out or invent the same characteristics in another individual because Obi-Wan is the prophesied one and that’s just all there is to it, whereas every time he looks at Anakin Skywalker he sees nothing but danger and destruction and the promise of suffering and chaos, a monster in the making, nothing at all to even suggest that he could one day control and contain and balance himself, much less bring balance to the whole of the Force; yet, Obi-Wan is feared and largely ignored (as if the fools hope that, by dismissing him, they will somehow cause both the Sith Killer and the issue of the Sith to truly vanish) in favor of Anakin, who is often called the Chosen One to his face, feeding his already massive ego and encouraging him to behave as if he were special and did not have to obey the rules! – and the whole thing is so infernally maddening and obviously unfair that some days it’s all Ferus can do, just to keep himself from screaming in blind frustration and fury.

 **36.) Solution:** He’s not a violent person by nature – Firrerreons are enormously self-contained and self-serving (selfish would be almost too mild a descriptor) and have a streak of practicality parsecs wide and light-years deep, which in combination yields a sort of seemingly cold ruthlessness that other sentient beings tend to view as downright remorseless ferocity if not outright bloodthirsty cruelty, and his utter lack of desire to be anything like a typical member of his mother’s race inclines him towards the cultivation of compassion and mercy enough for his kindness to sometimes seem excessive even among Jedi, who are meant to have empathy and concern for the well-being of _all_ beings – but if the boy is deliberately using glamours to get his way (and if he has as many beings wrapped around his littlest finger as he apparently does), then it’ll be dangerous to try to approach him openly (and, obviously, if he’s manipulating that many beings, he can’t be reasoned with), so Ferus just doesn’t see any other solution than to come at him from a direction he won’t be expecting and to make absolutely sure that the boy won’t be able to get back up again (and use his powers to bewitch everyone again, quite possibly even including Ferus, since he’d know, then, that Ferus is on to him), once he’s been taken down.

 **37.) Swim:** The boy’s from a desert planet, meaning that the probability is very high that he won’t even be used to the idea of there being enough free standing water to not only fully submerge a being within but for that being to have to be able to swim, both to avoid sinking it in and be able to traverse it, and so Ferus plans the encounter accordingly, making sure that several younglings nearing the age of apprenticeship are all on hand and testing their swimming skills against each other, that most of them are boys Anakin will not want to appear weak in front of, and then simply allowing the former slave’s massive ego to do the rest, driving him into the pool with the deepest water and most treacherous and not immediately apparent crosscurrents, even though he really has no idea how to swim alone.

 **38.) Plan:** He’s positive that his plan is succeeding and that the other initiates aren’t even going to notice that anything’s amiss in time to do anything to interfere with the outcome he’s so carefully prepared for when all of a sudden he senses a sharp spike of fear flaring out into the Force, as someone notices that Anakin hasn’t resurfaced . . . at which point he marshals himself to start to organize a methodical search of the pool (as it’s better to be safe than sorry, after all, and it certainly shouldn’t hurt if it appears as though he only became involved to selflessly try to save Anakin from his own stupidity); almost before he can begin, though, a sensation of barely constrained power explodes into the room, a human-shaped blur ablaze with light like the trail of a falling star streaking across the room (moving almost too quickly to be seen) and rapidly diving into the pool . . . after which, perhaps two minutes later, Obi-Wan surfaces with the limp form of Anakin in his arms.

 **39.) Sight:** It’s a magnificent thing to watch – Obi-Wan describes a perfect arch, flying up out of the water, flipping once in midair, and landing lightly on his feet, several meters beyond the edge of the pool, the boy a dead weight in his arms, obviously not breathing, lips already turning an ugly shade of pale bluish purple – as he propels himself and the boy up out of the pool, but then he ruins it by gently laying the boy down and, with a look of desperate concentration, beginning to administer CPR to force the water up out of Anakin’s lungs, the sight of Obi-Wan sealing Anakin’s mouth with his own so that he can breathe for him making Ferus’ stomach turn so violently he almost has to turn aside and vomit, his sight swimming, momentarily giving him a glimpse of a terrible explosion of light spreading out to engulf the galaxy and the universe and the Force itself, a huge, terrifying figure in black with armor and a somehow both skull-like and insectile helmet superimposed over a blossoming field of lava-like fire, Obi-Wan’s face (older, bearded, lined by care and hollowed by exhaustion and grief) contorting in unspeakable agony, tears, streaming down his cheeks, and, when the moment passes and he can see again, the boy is convulsing, Obi-Wan moving to help him sit up so that he can spew up the water, and Ferus can no longer control his body, forced to fall to his knees and vomit until not even bile will come up.

 **40.) Accident:** Ferus made sure to cover his tracks completely and thoroughly – the swimming competition was neither his idea nor that of any of his close compatriots, so far as anyone other than himself will ever have any reason to know; he wasn’t even involved in the swimming competition at all, himself, and so not only didn’t do anything to urge Anakin to take part, but only became involved in the scene at all when he was walking through on his way to one of the meditation pools and paused to try to tell the former slave not to try it, since he knew that Tatooine was basically just one big desert; and, as far as anyone knows (well, aside from Darra and Tru, and they aren’t going to tell anyone without his permission!), the vision that made him vomit was nothing more than the sight of Anakin’s apparently quite dead body – but for some reason Anakin apparently blames the whole thing on Ferus and Obi-Wan (perhaps unconsciously realizing that Ferus has good cause to want Anakin dead) agrees, even to the point of trying to argue that Ferus should be put out of the Temple or at least moved to some other chapterhouse of the Order to get him away from Anakin (an attempt that, thankfully, fails, his care in planning the "accident" out and his excellent reputation causing the High Council to support him, assuming that he’s innocent and barely even bothering to question him about the incident before declaring that Obi-Wan is overreacting out of shock, from almost losing his Padawan, and should perhaps schedule some time with a Soul Healer, to try to talk things out and get to the root of whatever it is that’s truly bothering him), as though actually worried that Ferus might try to kill the little monster with his own two bare hands, since his scheme to drown him has failed.

 **41.) Mess:** After the swimming incident, his options for dealing with Anakin become severely limited by Obi-Wan’s protectiveness and suspicion (if he didn’t know better, he’d suspect that Anakin, having discovered that it had been widely rumored in the Temple that Obi-Wan would eventually become Ferus’ Master and, being the possessive, paranoid little freak that he is, had somehow arranged the whole incident himself, just to be able to blame Ferus and so have an excuse to turn Obi-Wan against him. The boy seems too hot-headed to plan things in advance, though, and has no fine control to speak of, either, and Obi-Wan’s shields are so formidable that it’s all but impossible for even _Ferus_ to do anything to influence him, even when he’s already inclined to be receptive to any such suggestions, so it’s clearly impossible, though he certainly wouldn’t put it past Anakin to be evil enough to try to do something similar, if he thought he could pull it off) – essentially, he can either try to encourage Anakin to push himself too hard and hope that he burns himself out or gets himself killed in some damn foolish stunt or another, or else he can encourage the brat’s worst characteristics and wait for either the High Council to wise up and throw him out or else for him to get himself killed on mission because of his sheer idiocy and arrogance, whichever might come first – and so, after a few months of silently railing against the whole damned mess of the situation and letting both his friends and his acquaintances make all kinds of noises that are properly sympathetic and thoroughly outraged on his behalf (freely taking advantage of all the offers of comfort that come his way, in an attempt to distract himself from the knotted ball of sick fury and frustrated disappointment and lingering fear for Obi-Wan sunk deep in the pit of his belly), he braces himself mentally, forces himself to acknowledge the fact that, while Obi-Wan may never be his Master, it certainly doesn’t mean that Ferus can’t eventually still have him, so long as he’s still in the Order and in a position to not only eventually save Obi-Wan (and everyone else, too!) from Anakin but also to change Obi-Wan’s mind about that stupid vow, and begins to look hard at other possibilities in the Order for his Master.

 **42.) Perfect:** The Chalactan Knight, Nemaria Tennyai, is as perfect a choice as can be found, under such glaringly less than ideal circumstances – enough older than Obi-Wan not to be a particular friend but close enough in age to him to be able to become more of a friend, with a fairly close acquaintanceship with one very close friend of Obi-Wan’s to help give her an excuse to strike up more of a friendship with him; strong enough to be a fairly good Master but not possessed of a very strong set of personal shields and therefore (as coldly mercenary as it might seem to be to think of it that way) both easily enough influenced, if it should become necessary at any point for him to need to be able to sway her, and easily enough protected without her necessarily ever becoming aware of it (to help keep her safe from any attempts at manipulation from Skywalker); open to many things and aware of the fact that he’s a beautiful boy, which will doubtlessly make many things much easier, since it’s always easier to influence those who’re attracted to him, especially when it’s something that the individual in question might have moral scruples over and so be somewhat ashamed of, as she doubtlessly will be, especially the longer she has to get to know him; highly connected, with her former Master being numbered among the High Council Masters, which will also probably be of use, especially if he can use her to get some answers as to the High Council’s somewhat odder than normal behavior towards the Sith Killer and the so-called Chosen One (who’s so patently a fraud) – and, as with most things, once he’s made up his mind that he wants something, it’s not long at all before he gets his way.

 **43.) Talent:** He has Nemaria for a year before she starts to become suspicious of his particular talent for (nearly) always getting his way, and, though he personally doesn’t see any problem with it (Jedi use mind tricks on everyone else all the time, for pity’s sake! Why should it be such a big deal to be able to influence other Jedi in much the same way, if he’s being careful not to cause any harm? Especially given that the Force itself not only permits it but often warns him ahead of time when he’s going to need to use his particular talents to sway someone’s opinion and the Order’s supposed Chosen One uses even more aggressive glamours to get his way and doesn’t seem to give a frak if he hurts or fundamentally alters other beings in the process? It’s blatant hypocrisy, is what it is! If it’s not considered a big deal to use the Force against non-Force sensitive beings – who, after all, have no real chance of being able to fight back against such persuasive techniques – then logically it shouldn’t be considered something so close to anathema to use the Force against other Jedi, who technically should be strong enough to keep other beings from meddling with them overly much in the first blasted place!), he can tell from her increasing panic and fear that she’s going to be a major problem, so, after meditating on it for some time, he knows that he’s going to have no choice but to consign her to the Force and allow it to do its will, if he wants to stay in the Order without any trouble, and begins to plan out the necessary steps to deal with the issue, marshaling his power for one big, hard, quick push, if it becomes necessary to overwhelm her defenses enough to remove all knowledge (all sign and trace) of his peculiar talent for persuasion from her awareness.

 **44.) Grief:** He really has been hoping that the Force will speak to Knight Tennyai and that she’ll find it in herself to be reasonable and to listen and think and not let her panic-induced fear drive her, so he won’t even have to resort to using the Force to make her forget about her fearful anxiety over his persuasive talents, and so he’s devastated, when the speeder engine malfunctions and she’s killed in the subsequent crash and explosion, his grief at losing her and aggrieved aggravation over the way things have turned out entirely real, even the Grand Master himself moved by his sorrow to the point where he takes Ferus aside and speaks to him at great length, with some gentleness, about the will of the Force and how individuals are never really gone but continue to live on in the memories of those who knew them, even going so far as to reassure him that he’ll always have a home in the Order and that they will find him a new Master to continue his training, with the members of the High Council taking turns, in the meantime, at seeing to the proper continuation of his lessons.

 **45.) New:** The moment he learns about Siri Tachi, he knows he’s found his new Master, and not just because she was one of Obi-Wan’s closest friends in the crèche and there have been rumors for years about just how much she cares about him and whether or not her attachment to him crosses the line of propriety and acceptableness, hinting at an avenue of vulnerability through which he should be able to work to secure her loyalty, but because he remembers her, a little, from before the extremely public (and, as it turns out, highly staged) break with the Order that let her go undercover for an extremely long-term mission, and because he’s fairly certain that she’ll want to settle back in so much and be a regular Jedi again so badly that she’ll be so happy at the prospect of getting a Padawan like Ferus that she won’t be at all likely to listen to any attempts by Anakin or even Obi-Wan to warn her off from him; thus, he makes sure to carefully position himself so that she’ll see him almost as soon as she gets back and will be properly impressed by his maturity and his sheer raw talent, so he won’t have to worry about being without a Master (and, therefore, technically being in danger of being sent away from the main Order, to one of the branches of the Jedi Service Corps, as Anakin so _loves_ to remind him) anymore.

 **46.) Lucky:** There’s a certain earthy sensuality and raw physicality to Siri that, in combination with her striking good looks, moves her beyond the realm of mere prettiness or even beauty to a sort of place where it becomes very easy to imagine others becoming fascinated to the point of obsession with her, and Ferus finds himself in the extremely odd and uncomfortable position of having to wonder if it isn’t lucky, after all, that Obi-Wan chose to make that vow of chastity so very young, because she’s smart and savvy and resourceful and strong and courageous (bloody fearless, in a way that makes even him want to flinch, sometimes) and faithful and good and true and in possession of what seems like a thousand and one other wonderful qualities, too, and the longer he’s apprenticed to Siri Tachi, the more likely he thinks it would have been for her to’ve pulled Obi-Wan in under her spell, otherwise!

 **47.) Read:** He’s not all that sure about Tru, sometimes – sure, the Teevan’s a good friend, most of the time, and smart as well as clever, and there are times when he catches the Teevan looking at him in such a way that almost he imagines Tru entertains feelings for him beyond both mere friendship and the shallow, lust-based emotions that comprise the majority of the encounters he shares with most of his casual acquaintances; however, Tru’s also intensely private and quiet, especially as a male, and so serious about some things that sometimes he wonders if the Teevan ever laughs at all – and it worries and frustrates him, a little, that he can’t get a better read on the Teevan, especially now that he seems to have struck up a friendship, of sorts, with that damned deceiver, Skywalker, and is spending so much time in the fraud’s company.

 **48.) Miserable:** The joint missions are often the hardest ones, in terms of emotional turmoil if not actual difficulty or danger: rationally, Ferus knows that the High Council is attempting to foster good working relationships among those who should, logically, be Knighted around the same time and so are more likely to eventually be sent out on missions together, with none other but themselves and each other to rely on or to lean upon, and he suspects, too, that they also have reason to want individuals not inclined to automatically shield/protect/cover for how thoroughly Skywalker seems to have Obi-Wan blinded to his faults and wrapped about his grubby little finger to accompany them on their missions, so that reports will be less likely to be biased; yet, nothing really helps to stave off the pain of having to watch that pretender act like he’s worthy to be Obi-Wan’s apprentice and behave as though he’s already a real Jedi and knows better and _is_ better than everyone else in the ’verse or to salve the hurt constantly inflicted by Obi-Wan’s indifference towards him, and he so often returns from these missions so dejected and miserable that Siri often is driven to attempt to either reassure him of his excellent behavior and chide Anakin for his rudeness and promise to speak to Obi-Wan about his Padawan or else to intercede with the Council for him and try to get out of any more of the shared missions, for his sake . . . actions that, as much as he appreciates the fact that they demonstrate both Siri’s loyalty to him and her care and concern for his well-being and happiness, almost always just end up making things even worse, as they inevitably make Skywalker act like even more of a self-centered, spoiled, petulant brat (with Skywalker doing his level best to take out his frustration and anger and embarrassment over being lectured on Ferus and Ferus’ closest friends) and also seem to make Obi-Wan actively unhappy (or even actually angry) with Ferus instead of simply coldly uninterested in and unconcerned with him.

 **49.) Influence:** Obi-Wan’s moved too far away from him to safely do anything but try to bring him around by proving his worth and disproving Anakin’s, and Anakin, despite all the evidence as to his lack of control, nonetheless somehow has shields of some sort that keep Ferus from being able to do much more than plant some extremely weak little nudging suggestions, so he has little choice but to use other means, to try to get to them, and turning as many individuals as possible against Anakin is one of the easiest, most effective methods at hand, for causing the poaching interloper grief, especially given how volatile the former slave’s temper remains, even after most of half a decade in the Order to learn control and calm, so Ferus focuses a lot of his energy on that, even daring (and, almost surprisingly, succeeding, with the Force’s apparent full blessing) to reach out gentle feelers of influence towards the High Council Masters, to help turn their already largely unsatisfied (often to the point of outright unhappy dissatisfaction) opinions of the boy firmly against him.

 **50.) Right:** The mission where he and Anakin are forced to pretend to be Obi-Wan and Siri’s children very nearly kills him: Ferus does everything right, manages to uncover proof of the truth behind the plot of the so-called kidnapping, gets himself successfully out of captivity with no help at all from anyone – Anakin, his supposed backup and partner, having run off without even so much as a word to anyone, to follow up on an alleged lead, even though he knew that Ferus was missing and could very well be in serious trouble or even danger – and safely back to the compound with all that he’s learned, with nothing much worse than some bruises and a bit of muscle strain from being improperly restrained, in time to warn Masters Tachi and Kenobi of the criminals’ plan and go after Anakin, who has by then landed himself in some trouble; yet, still, when it’s all over with, Anakin is the one who initially garners all of the praise and, when his Master complains to Obi-Wan that Anakin basically abandoned Ferus and Obi-Wan apparently feels obligated to mention this to Anakin, it puts both Obi-Wan and Anakin in such foul moods that they both feel free to take their discontent and ire out on Ferus, making an already fairly awful situation that much worse.

 **51.) Ugly:** He can hear them fighting from half the apartment complex away (or at least his Master is fighting, yelling with an increasing amount of furious stridency at Obi-Wan, whose voice is far too quiet to hear, though there is a sense of almost tangible coldness radiating from the room, increasing in intensity with each new height Siri’s voice reaches), and a thunderously glowering Anakin is leaning against the main doorway, regarding him with an expression half of cold contempt and half of unabashed fury, blue eyes hard and narrow as he watches Ferus flinch his way to an uncertain halt, a sneer twisting his face up into a thoroughly ugly expression as he bitterly snarls, "I hope you’re happy with yourself, you _sleemo_. It’ll be _weeks_ before he recovers from being yelled at, like that," the sheer amount of hatred in the former slave’s voice taking Ferus by so much surprise that he actually starts to fall back a few steps even before Anakin pushes off of the doorway and storms past, shoulder-checking him painfully as he goes by.

 **52.) Shake:** The temptation to either lash out in incoherent rage and pain or else just sit down and cry is so all but overwhelming that his body begins to shake, and, wanting desperately to regain his control, Ferus lets himself sink down to his knees in the middle of the hallway, folding in upon himself and desperately casting out to the Force for calm, head bowing as his sight blurs, and he’s still there, shaking uncontrollably, when Obi-Wan storms out of the apartment, striding right up to him before he seems to see him, stopping so abruptly that the hem of his outermost robe flares forward around Ferus, brushing up against him and making him shudder even more violently as he’s engulfed by the clean musky scent of the man.

 **53.) Supplication:** Obi-Wan would never willingly physically hurt anyone, outside the strictures of a fight, would never willingly cause harm to anyone at all, really, if he could avoid it; yet, knowing that doesn’t keep Ferus’ trembling body from flinching violently or keep him from instinctively wanting to throw himself flat on the floor at the man’s feet, forehead pressed to Obi-Wan’s boots in silent supplication, and the clearly audible huffing exhale of a frustrated sigh from above him doesn’t do anything to help curtail the instinct to cower, his automatic flinch backwards and the tiny whimpering noise that he can’t quite suppress, when Obi-Wan reaches out to touch his shoulder, prompting yet another sigh (this one softer, sadder), Obi-Wan quietly but firmly telling him (immovable iron behind the apparent calm, meaning that Obi-Wan will brook no argument), as he gently squeezes Ferus’ left shoulder, "That’s not a very good place to try to meditate, Padawan. Come. Walk with me awhile. I can see we have things to discuss."

 **54.) Want:** His legs don’t want to hold him, when he tries to stand, obedient to Obi-Wan’s will, and the young Knight has to catch him by the shoulders when he stumbles gracelessly, eliciting another little whimpering noise that, after a moment’s hesitation, makes Obi-Wan reach out to bodily turn him about and pull him back flush against the left side of Obi-Wan’s body (making the breath catch painfully in his throat and his body shudder helplessly from the sensation of heat and strength and only just barely thinly leashed power in the slim body so firmly nestled against him, the sheer magnetic _pull_ of the man from so very close by all but overwhelming, making him feel dizzy and lightheaded and dangerously near to being entirely out of control, his own body turning traitor, refusing to behave according to the dictates of his mind and will, the drape of Obi-Wan’s arm across his back and around his waist bringing his hand dangerously near to absolute proof of the basest level of the nature of Ferus’ desire for him, painfully hard flesh straining against restraining garments, making him infinitely glad of the concealing folds of his own outer robe and at once making him want to squirm madly to get away, before anything can happen to make Obi-Wan notice the embarrassing state he’s in, and to take hold of that hand and deliberately shift it over and down, press those fingers down and rub, _hard_ , thrust upwards into that grip, turn and rut furiously, like an animal in heat, against the young man. It feels like a kind of madness boiling through him – unreasoning, ravening desire – and he’d happily crawl under Obi-Wan’s skin and curl himself up deep down inside of him, nestled down in the blazing heart of that awful, awesome, wondrous light burning away at the core of him, happily do anything and everything in his power to get only a little bit closer, just to be permitted to stand near and bask within and worship at the altar of that light, that energy, that power. To taste of that power, to take in even the tiniest minute fraction of that light’s glow, to gain access to so much as the barest little sliver of a shivering edge of that energy . . . it would be beyond words divine, and he longs for that with such single-minded painfully rapturous intensity that it feels as if the whole of his body could simply shiver itself to pieces, just fly apart at the atomic level, if even so much as a single more square centimeter of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s body were to come into contact with him. The helpless wanting and the longing and the unadulterated _draw_ of the man and that light [the _Light_ ]are all a jumble in his blood and his brain, so mixed up that he can’t tell up from down or the desire to physically touch and kiss and hold and _have_ from the need to get close, _close_ , **close** , **_closer_** to that glorious light, and it feels like dying, like going under and not just not caring but actively wanting the end, the darkness, the culmination of everything and nothing and Force, _Force_ , it’s so ridiculously easy to understand how living in such close proximity to all of _this_ could make someone utterly insane that he almost [ _almost!_ ] wants to forgive Skywalker for . . . well, _everything_ , except that Skywalker does get that, he gets to live with Obi-Wan, close to him, close to his heart and his light and _Force_ but he hates him for it, hates and envies him with every fiber of his being, with such rabid vividness and agonizing purity that it’s literally all he can do to keep from breaking down and sobbing aloud with it and the sheer _unfairness_ of this whole blasted situation), holding on to Ferus to steady him as he guides him off down the hallway.

 **55.) Hunger:** Obi-Wan speaks to him quietly, patiently, and at great length about how stressful it is for Anakin to work with him, due to his inability to trust him, and how Ferus needs to truly dedicate himself to proving his trustworthiness, if he wishes for that to change, as trust, once broken, is not something easy to reestablish, and how he wishes very much that Ferus would succeed, as he would like nothing more than to know that Ferus and Anakin are good friends, and it’s all he can do to keep from moaning in hunger, when Obi-Wan reaches out to gently tip his chin up, fingers curling around his chin, hesitating a moment before sliding up to tuck his Padawan braid back behind his ear (the motion is _maddening_ , trailing fire along his skin. He can’t keep from leaning in to the touch and it takes all of his strength to keep from nuzzling against that hand, feathering kisses along Obi-Wan’s palm, nipping a little at his fingertips, suggestively touching the tip of his tongue to the center of his palm, opening his mouth and sucking one of those digits into his mouth and working at it until Obi-Wan breaks, groaning and reaching out for him, to give him far better things to taste and to suck on), all he can do to keep from crawling up in Obi-Wan’s lap, after he sits them down in the garden, as if for a bout of shared meditation, and show him _exactly_ what he wants to be reflecting on, all he can do to keep from begging to be touched again (longer, more firmly, begging to be marked, to come away from the encounter bearing bruises as proof of Obi-Wan’s touches), in many other far more interesting places than just the side of his face and his shoulder and arm; he must have done or said something right, though, even though his brain feels like it’s been turned to mush, because at the end he gets one of those absolutely radiant, blinding smiles, like he used to, back before Anakin ever came to the Temple, and a lovingly gentle caressing brush of the backs of Obi-Wan’s fingers along his left cheekbone, making him tremble so much that the young Knight sighs again, softly, shakes his head, and offers to sit and meditate with him for awhile, until he’s recovered at least some of his equilibrium, his concern so obvious and so unabashedly warm that Ferus is left feeling as weak and wrung out as if he’d actually been dangerously ill with a high fever that lingered debilitatingly long, leaving him so shaky (physically, as well as mentally and emotionally) that he can do nothing but sit, trembling uncontrollably, in the young Knight’s presence, as completely incapable of meditating as an unfeeling stone might be.

 **56.) Hope:** It’s (blissfully so) almost like old times, for a little while, and Obi-Wan stays with him so long and is so very kind to him that Ferus tentatively starts to hope that things might be changing for the better, but he’s apparently once again underestimated Anakin’s ability to get his way, because his hopes are dashed mere hours later, as Obi-Wan reverts to essentially ignoring him and Anakin once again obviously has his Master wrapped back around his little finger.

 **57.) Solo:** The solo mission is such a relief that he doesn’t push as hard as he should, about the miners – he’s so happy not to have Anakin there and to not have the source of such torment and temptation so frustratingly close that he can’t concentrate enough to _think_ , properly, past that all-consuming relief (and the dull throbbing ache of distance, of pain at their separation) – even though he has a really bad feeling about the whole thing, and really seriously wonders whether or not what they’ve done will end up being of any help to the locals at all, in the long run.

 **58.)** **Joke:** He and Tru and Darra are all seated at a table in the commissary, chortling (giggling, in Darra’s case) helplessly as they pass the datapad back and forth around the table, trying to come to a consensus as to the final product, distracted by laughter as various suggestions are made, discarded, tried, undone, redone, and, in general, fiddled to death, not noticing Anakin until he’s already intercepted the datapad between Darra and Tru with a curious, "What’s so funny, then?" gaze trained down on the screen, reading, and, even before the blood has drained from his face and he starts shouting about whether the poem is supposed to be a joke and how it’s not funny and whether it was Ferus’ idea, he knows there is going to be trouble, is already mentally reaching for Siri even before Anakin grows so furious he nearly breaks the datapad with his bare hands and actually uses the Force to shove Darra back down into her chair when she tries to stand up, to take it away from him, and is almost relieved, for half a heartbeat, when Obi-Wan suddenly appears behind Anakin and, with a gentle inquiry of, "What’s all this, then?" seems to defuse the situation, Anakin turning about with a sound almost like a sob and throwing himself into his Master, Obi-Wan freezing for a moment, obviously startled, before relaxing into the desperate clutch, his arms coming up to circle around his Padawan’s back, head inclined down against Anakin’s . . . at least until his vision of them dissolves, again, into hellish flames and phantom shrieks of pain and rage, making him sway sickeningly in his chair, lungs burning and eyes streaming with tears as he chokes helplessly on phantom ashes.

 **59.) Poem:** The poem really is entirely innocuous – it’s part of a minor group project for a cultural studies class they’ve been taking, one that Anakin hasn’t been enrolled in because of a mission, nothing more or less than an attempt by three beings to collaborate on a work in the style of the Thelosian postmodernists – and there’s no logical reason whatsoever for Anakin to have responded to it as if it were a personal attack on him (it’s maybe a little bit grim, on the surface, what with all the references to destiny and death and not being able to escape fate and heroes being constrained by certain given rules even to their deaths, but none of any of that has anything at all to do with Anakin Skywalker, and anyway it’s also about breaking chains and the transformative power of belief, of choice, of change, or at least it’s supposed to be. None of them are ever going to be able to make their way through the galaxy as writers or wordsmiths of any sort, but it’s a perfectly adequate offering for three Jedi Padawans taking a cultural elective course in between missions, at least in Ferus’ considered opinion!), but for whatever bizarre reason it seriously seems to have negatively affected him, and Ferus, for one, is seriously intending to abandon the effort and try something new, just in case he’s wrong and there actually _is_ something offensive about the piece, when Siri takes the matter out of his hands by briskly pronouncing the poem, "Derivative and a little too clever, but otherwise fine," and transmitting the thing to their professor, with an order to stop fretting about one person’s overreaction to the subject matter, adding, somewhat acerbically, that just because Anakin Skywalker seems to think that the poem is a personal attack, due to his rather egocentric conviction of his own status as a hero, that’s no reason for them to indulge the boy’s fancies or help inflate his already overly massive ego, by behaving as if the assignment has anything to do with him (advice so stunningly sensible that Ferus can’t help but smile and nod in agreement, in essence settling the matter).

 **60.) Question:** The needs of the many _always_ outweigh the needs of the few or of the one, **always** , without question – it’s why there’s such a thing as democracy at all; why they have a Republic in the first place; why there are Jedi guarding that Republic who are willing to lay down their lives in defense of the preservation of the peace and order of that Republic and its democratic processes of the peoples, by the peoples, and for the peoples of the Republic – that’s not even a very clever question or anything approaching arguable, if it’s meant to be taken as some kind of trick (or some kind of revenge, for the whole poem incident), and the fact that Anakin Skywalker is looking at Ferus as if he’s suddenly sprouted another head and begun to rave like a bloodthirsty lunatic on a rampage to seek out children to spit and roast for his supper only further reinforces his opinion that Skywalker simply isn’t cut out for the life of a Jedi.

 **61.) Ugly:** Skywalker usually goes out of his way to show just how much he dislikes, devalues, and even actively despises Ferus, so it takes him longer than it normally would to not only notice the way that Skywalker is so intently watching him, during practice sparring sessions, but to properly comprehend the sheer heat and hunger in his gaze for what it truly is . . . and, thus, to finally twig to the fact that at least some of the former slave’s current level of animosity with Ferus has a lot more to do with an ugly, tangled snarl of desire, self-loathing, fear, despair, and desperation than it does with anything so simple or easy as envy, jealousy, or self-centered pride.

 **62.) Mess:** Ferus knows _precisely_ what kind of world Anakin grew up on – a harsh desert world, full of moisture farmers who live hard, short lives, where Hutts and their higher up minions live decadent, glamorous lives by taking advantage of everyone else around them, Jawas do their best to scrape out a living by scamming everyone they come into contact with, and Tusken Raiders try their damnedest to kill everybody, _period_ , so they can have the whole desert of a planet to themselves, survival such a serious, chancy thing that frivolity and leisure are essentially unknown and things like love and respect are considered a lot less important than strength and resources, when personal alliances are on the table, same sex pairings are, at best, considered a waste of resources and not just frowned upon but actively discouraged (bullying and severe punishments for perceived infractions not only highly likely but entirely too possibly the norm), and, at worst, considered a perversion and weakness not to be tolerated (lynchings and outright executions probably not unknown) – and _exactly_ where his shame over his attraction to Ferus stems from (on top of all of that, having been a slave, Anakin likely knows precisely what it means for individuals to have their bodies used for the pleasure of others and therefore very likely personally associates the idea of two men together with pain and degradation), especially since he actively dislikes, envies, and is afraid of Ferus, with his own sense of insecurity playing so heavily into that and his fear that he’s not worthy of being in the Order or of being Obi-Wan’s Padawan (which he most certainly _isn’t_ , in either circumstance . . . which, to be fair, probably doesn’t help all that much with Skywalker’s paranoia) that he’s all but obsessed with Ferus (and with trying to figure out what makes Ferus tick, so he can either be more like him and therefore not such a disappointment to the Order, or else so that he can find a way under Ferus’ guard and somehow expose him as an imperfect being, so he won’t have to keep feeling inadequate), and, unfortunately, that makes things infinitely more complicated and problematic, since the bigoted, hypocritical little brat is all too likely to try to twist things about to blame the entire nasty mess on Ferus (especially if it gets bad enough that something happens and one of them ends up getting hurt because of it) and he’s got Obi-Wan so firmly under his spell that Ferus most likely won’t be given a fair chance to try to defend himself, in the case of such an unfortunate event, which in turn makes the former slave a lot more dangerous and makes it a very, very bad idea indeed for Ferus to ever be alone with or even in very close proximity to Skywalker, given that control and restraint aren’t exactly anything like strong points with the so-called Chosen One!

 **63.) Shatter:** Quite possibly the most maddening thing about this whole blasted situation is that he can’t help but know that if he were just a little bit more ruthless or a little bit less fair, a little bit more uncompromising and a little bit less squeamish, a little bit more fanatical and a little bit less concerned with the long-term effects of using pain as a tool, he could easily split Anakin Skywalker open and spill out his sanity like a nut being pried open to free the meat – flaws and weaknesses run through that boy’s psyche just as surely and dangerously as seismic fault lines through the bedrock of a city, waiting only for enough pressure to rip open and spill everything down into the abyss, and some of them are so obvious and run so deep that he can’t help but know how undeniably _easy_ it would be, to use one or another to shatter Anakin entirely, destroy him so utterly that nothing but jagged fragments and chaos would remain – but he _is_ fair, and honorable, and isn’t all that particularly fond of causing other beings pain, and so he tells himself that he won’t ever do that, even though Anakin is all but deliberately flaunting his faults and his fundamental unfitness for the life of a Jedi, practically throwing himself at Ferus and begging to be used, to be broken, to be made entirely unfit to continue to function as Obi-Wan’s Padawan, much less to ever one day function as a full Jedi Knight or Master.

 **64.) Problem:** When Tru (obviously extremely uncomfortable with the subject matter and just as patently worried about it) hesitantly approaches Ferus with the rather disconcerting observation that Anakin seems to have been spending a lot of time with another Master, lately, and that there’s something about the way that the former slave watches the young Knight that strikes Tru as being . . . off, somehow, Ferus knows that this new problem with Anakin is not only starting to get serious, but that it’s already much, much more serious (and potentially dangerous) than he’d been thinking (hoping beyond hope, really) it ever would be – Garen Muln is, after all, just enough like Obi-Wan Kenobi physically to be disconcerting (and apparently the resemblance used to be even more uncanny, when the two were younglings), and also shares much more of an interest in and aptitude for the mechanical than Master Kenobi, which means that he and Anakin share certain areas of interest that makes it seem extremely logical for the two of them to spend time together – and he starts to seriously worry about whether that decision of his to simply try to avoid Skywalker as much as possible (instead of taking a more proactive stance and actually doing something about this whole blasted mess) was the right choice to make and if he shouldn’t try to do something to bring Skywalker’s attention back his way and away from Knight Muln, in case the sudden interest in the young Jedi is some kind of presage (or – Force forfend! – a dry run of sorts, so Skywalker can figure out how best to try to approach/seduce his own Master) of things to come, regarding Skywalker’s ultimate aim . . .

 **65.) Addict:** Anakin Skywalker is a danger to the Order and potential menace (or worse) to the galaxy at large, and he cannot comprehend the madness that makes the High Council Masters keep him in the Order and continue to train him – the first truly immoral person with even the _barest_ understanding of how to break someone down who manages to capture Skywalker won’t just torture him until he breaks and goes mad but figure out exactly what Anakin’s worst fears are and why he hates himself so much and use that against him until he’s as broken and addicted to pain and dependent on his captor and torturer as any hard drug addict is on his chemical high and his dealer, using that as a way to control him, to make him do truly terrible things, and that will be it, then, because the Order will surely be blamed for whatever happens and at least a goodly portion of the galaxy will go up in flames and Anakin frakkin’ Skywalker will be far too busy getting off on his own pain to even _notice_ how much damage he’s doing, much less care enough about it to try to understand why he should stop – and it’s that increasing certainty of inevitable (not to mention increasingly rapidly approaching) disaster, more than anything else (even concern for Knight Muln), that, in spite of his original decision to try to stay out of this entire mess and stay away from Skywalker as much as possible, gradually brings Ferus around, even though he still doesn’t much like the notion of having to get personally involved (bigotry and hypocrisy are a dangerous enough combination even without the added complication of desire!) and likes the idea of deliberately making himself a target of the former slave’s twisted penchant for obsession/obsessiveness (knowingly and intentionally going out of his way to draw to himself and to then keep as much of Skywalker’s attention as he possibly can) even less!

 **66.) Bout:** Sparring tends to bring out both the best and the worst in beings – something about the combination of sheer physicality and the surrender of self to the Force, or to be more precise the balance of the two things, whether one focuses more on the one thing or the other accounting for both kinds of reactions, he suspects – and, sure enough, Skywalker finally snaps in the midst of a private free-form bout, dropping his ’saber entirely and, with a furious snarl and an oddly graceful sinuous moment, gliding beneath Ferus’ guard and up under his ’saber to slide himself up around his body, insinuating himself into his personal space to grab him firmly by his tunic collars and yank him down into a toe-curling kiss so heated that Ferus very nearly bisects him from left shoulder to right hip before he finally remembers that he’s still holding his weapon and drops the ’saber, blue blade extinguishing automatically, hilt clattering nosily onto the floor.

 **67.) Shock:** Ferus is older, taller, and, despite his slimness, heavier than Anakin, so it’s easy enough to overpower him after savaging his lower lip (the pain of a torn bottom lip apparently sharper enough than the line of burned tunic and singed flesh from the barest hint of a touch from his ’saber, Anakin having taken him slightly by surprise with his sudden change in tactics, to throw him), and the noise Anakin makes, as Ferus sweeps his legs and forces him to the floor (not bothering to be so considerate as to slow or break his fall), is both so aroused and so pained that Ferus nearly forgets himself and immediately makes a run for it, instead of sticking to the plan and, after tearing himself away enough to accomplish the leg-sweep, snarling as he glares down at the boy, furiously wiping at his mouth (as if to violently scrub all trace of Skywalker away, as though the boy’s touch has contaminated him) before deliberately throwing himself as far open to the Force as he possibly can, pulling in as much of its energy as he can in order to infuse his every word, expression, and motion with persuasion, command, meaning, and then angrily spitting, "What the _frell_ do you think you’re doing? I’m _not_ some damned doll for your amusement and I’m sure as hell _not_ interested in you that way! Stars _wept_ , Skywalker! What the frak’s _wrong_ with you? Just because you can’t have Obi-Wan or Knight Muln or whomever it is you think you’ve set your sights on this week, that doesn’t give you the right to try to work off your frustrations on _me_ , you stupid little whore! Karking little sniveling masochistic _deceiver_! I suppose I should’ve expected no better of you than something like _this_. If you’re going to hate me, then at least have the decency to come up with a better reason than that you _want_ me and cannot _have_ me! I have _nothing_ to do with your desires, Skywalker. _Nothing_ , you disgusting little flaming hypocrite!" when Anakin tries to reach out to pull him back down into another desperate clench, making sure to inject as much indignant shock and affronted fury and flat-out sickened rejection and vicious venom into his voice as he possibly can, doing everything he conceivably can (short of lashing out physically) to reinforce the fact that Anakin’s attentions are neither wanted, warranted, returned, nor deemed any way acceptable by Ferus, in the hopes that it’ll startle the boy back to his senses or at least hurt him sufficiently to make him back off enough that Ferus hopefully won’t have to worry about a repeat of this (or something even worse, like an attempted advance on Knight Muln or – stars above and below forbid! – Obi-Wan) anytime soon.

 **68.) Solution:** It’s not a perfect solution – of _course_ it’s not a perfect solution! Skywalker’s still in the Order, still Obi-Wan’s Padawan, still being hailed by the High Council and the Force alone only knows how many other supposedly sentient beings as the Chosen One, and still, so far as Ferus is aware, the individual who is most obviously unfit to be and continue to be a member of the Jedi Order – but at least he knows now, after the whole blasted mess with Skywalker trying to physically assault him and Ferus having no real choice but to use the Force to savage him, mentally and emotionally, and so hopefully drive home the impossibility of the nature and direction (not just towards Ferus, but Knight Muln and Obi-Wan, as well) of the former slave’s obsessions, that what he’s done (what he’s risked doing) to keep it from getting any worse (from getting much, _much_ worse) is working, since, when Skywalker watches him now, there’s nothing but fury and contempt and the usual ridiculously transparent scheming in his gaze, and, more importantly, the former slave has not only stopped seeking to spend more time with Knight Muln, but has visibly become far more careful of himself and the amount of physical contact he indulges in with others, including Obi-Wan (around whom he’s so very cautious that it’s almost as though he fears in some way to contaminate his Master . . . a sentiment that Ferus, for one, completely understands, and is more than happy with!), a development that (happily enough) results in the uncouth hooligan gaining at least a little bit more decorum, even if his manners and conduct are, overall, still so bad as to inescapably reflect badly upon the Order as a whole.

 **69.) Disaster:** Things at the Temple have become if not precisely calm then at least far less likely to explode into unforgivable violence at any (at _every_ ) possible moment, with Skywalker settling into a pattern of such coldly cutting (blatantly obvious) contempt of Ferus and careful distance from almost everyone else that even the few (if not nearly few enough) Jedi who genuinely seem to like the little brat seem to be having a hard time justifying or even rationalizing his behavior (and even Master Kenobi seems to be at something of a loss), and Ferus is, tentatively and by painfully slow increments, once again beginning to hope that perhaps the ex-slave will simply prove himself to be so completely and glaringly unfit for the life of a true Jedi Knight that he’ll end up being tossed out of the Order entirely, leaving Obi-Wan free of the pernicious influence of his damned glamours (free to be won back over by Ferus), when disaster strikes in the form of a particularly nasty sociopathic so-called scientist; unfortunately, despite everything Ferus has done, to try to break the boy of some of his absolute worst tendencies towards glaringly obvious weaknesses, when Skywalker is finally sent out on another mission with his Master, he hesitates, waiting for orders that never come, at a critical moment in a fight that, if he really were any kind of a Jedi at all, he would (and should) have been able to win (and easily!) on his own, and ends up being drugged and captured by Jenna Zan Arbor’s latest hirelings and carried away to her latest lair, to be used as a Force-sensitive experimental subject for her latest terrible creation.

 **70.) Drug:** Obi-Wan is . . . the only word that even comes close to describing the furiously intense whirlwind of focused purpose (that being to locate Zan Arbor’s hideout and retrieve his captured Padawan) is terrifying, and yet the look on the young Knight’s face, when it comes out that Jenna Zan Arbor not only used her Zone of Self-Containment drug on Skywalker but that, after an initial trial in which the drug didn’t seem to work on the ex-slave at all, she deliberately chose to push the dosage up, again and _again_ and **_again_** (twice, thrice, _ten times_ the dose she’d already established as being "safe" for human norms, in previous experiments), to try to see if the boy actually had some sort of natural immunity or if it were just a quirk of his individual body chemistry that seemed to be protecting him from the drug’s effects, with the eventual result that Anakin was wiped of most of his memory of the previous half a dozen months and reduced to a state of blissed out mindlessness (absolutely nothing registering on him until the chemical cocktail eventually started to wear off, the ecstasy and lethargy gradually leaving him, but nothing past a certain level of knowledge of his recent shameful fascination with Ferus and fear of somehow causing harm or damage to certain others – like Knight Muln or Master Kenobi – with those same darkly obsessive tendencies ever returning to his consciousness), the damage inflicted by the drug too great for even the Healers to reverse, when it finally came out that the drug had literally erased part of his memory and that they needed to try to do something about it, is at once so beautiful and so terrible (so horrifying) that Ferus knows at once that something unspeakably awful will happen to that woman if ever she should happen to be at Master Kenobi’s mercy, and it feels as though someone has literally grabbed hold of his heart and squeezed and _squeezed_ until the face of the Force itself has been revealed to him, because he also knows, without doubt, in that instant, that he will do everything in his power to place himself between Obi-Wan and the likely repercussions of such an event of vengeance (of _justice_ , as a small corner of his mind insists, even if it _was_ only Skywalker who was experimented upon), even if it means that he has to sacrifice his own standing within the Order to do it, even though Anakin Skywalker is, indubitably, most certainly not worth so much trouble or effort, on either one of their parts.

 **71.) Enmity:** The boy avoids him like the plague, afterwards, his shame over his only partially remembered attraction to Ferus and flat terror over his susceptibility to the drug (which Anakin, predictably, blames on the same weakness and inner flaw that makes him want Ferus, the same supposed darkness of spirit – in Skywalker’s eyes, anyway – that makes him want _any_ man and has fixated so much of his attention and desire upon his Master and receiving praise from his Master) transmuting to an almost irrational anger and hatred that makes it impossible for Ferus to get away from any of their encounters without damage (literally, usually, bruises and small burns the very least of his worries, when Skywalker so often seems to want nothing more than to take him to pieces and doesn’t seem to care how much trouble he might get in for it or how much damage he might end up wrecking upon himself, in the process, in order to do it, either) and makes the almost hyper-vigilantly (over)protective Obi-Wan so distrustful and suspicious of whatever Ferus might have done ( _must have_ , in Obi-Wan’s eyes, since he dotes on the ex-slave so much that he can’t seem to even conceive of the notion that Skywalker might just be behaving irrationally, simply because he wants to or he can, and that Ferus may not have done anything at all), to earn such glaringly open enmity, that things very quickly devolve into such a desperate state that his friends start insisting that he not go anywhere unaccompanied in the Temple and even Siri (whose face becomes, by degrees, first pinched and unhappy, then cold and furious, then flat and hard and permanently affronted, to the point where even the Masters of the High Council seem to consider it wise to avoid her presence whenever possible) starts limiting the amount of time he spends out in the Temple proper, instead of in their own suite of rooms.

 **72.) Scenario:** He wants ( _needs_ ) to be there when Jenna Zan Arbor is caught (and, if necessary, be in a position to arrange either an accident during transport, a death while attempting to escape scenario, or something similar, to cover his tracks when he’s done with her, so he can make sure she’s taken care of, properly, before Obi-Wan can get a crack at her), and if chasing after Granta Omega (the apparent son and heir-apparent of one of Qui-Gon Jinn’s former apprentices . . . something that feels so strangely unreal and _wrong_ that he does his best to simply not think too hard or too terribly often on the whole convoluted mess) is the way to do that, then so be it, even if it means having to work closely with several other Master-Padawan pairs and, potentially, having to eventually dodge all of them, to be sure he can get at that damned mad scientist first.

 **73.) Loss:** He’s always been enormously interested in healing and fascinated with the notion of being able to aid and hasten healing through the use of the Force (and not just because one of his best friends is a rapid regenerate and Ferus has watched Tru visibly healing before his very eyes in a way that he, with the sort of natural, automatic, immediate understanding and deft lightness of touch that only comes from having a real talent, has been able to use the Force to mimic, at least on relatively minor injuries, and is more than a little intrigued by the idea of maybe being able to learn how to apply that same sort of instinctive Force-accelerated healing techniques to more serious wounds, both on himself and on other beings, too, either), but somehow or another the entire process loses something of its fascination and appeal when it’s one’s own body one’s being forced to try to heal of multiple nasty traumas rapidly enough to stave off shock and loss of consciousness (and, most likely, eventually death) due to massive blood loss.

 **74.) Off:** His first conscious thought is that there is something _seriously_ off ( _wrong_ , in a way that makes the skin want to not just crawl away but to try to violently ripple its way entirely off of his body) about Granta Omega – the strikingly (almost ridiculously so, in a way that makes him seem almost weirdly unreal) handsome young man undeniably has so much charisma, so much unfettered _pull_ , that it’s like a tidal force, yanking at him with all the subtly of a hull breach in hard vacuum, and yet . . . and yet, it’s as if there’s nothing living there at all, in the Force, _nothing_ , no matter how hard he strains after even the slightest impression of a presence, except a muddled, muddy, muted null sensation, almost as if the Force were not only entirely lacking within the physical space taken up by the man’s body, but were in some strange way being forced to bend up backwards on itself, to try to escape the immediate vicinity of the man’s physical form – so when he recognizes signs of some kind of (weirdly strange and no doubt dark and disturbingly twisted) physical intimacy between the young man and Jenna Zan Arbor (of all beings!), he’s a lot less surprised about it than he somehow feels as though he ought to be.

 **75.) Doom:** He has a bad feeling about the whole Korriban thing almost as soon as he hears about it – he knows Obi-Wan is convinced that the second Sith is still out there somewhere, plotting insidiously, and he happens to agree with the Sith Killer’s opinion, especially given that it makes a certain amount of sense for someone like Granta Omega (the illegitimate son of a rogue Jedi gone Dark, with a major beef against the Order he feels drove his father to his death) to want to attract the attention of the Sith, in order to make common cause against the Jedi Order; yet, he can’t help but feel as if the whole thing is just a little bit _too_ obvious, like it’s a trap (and on more than one level) – and is worried enough about it to try to both make his opinion known and influence Siri and the Masters of Tru and Darra to profess some misgivings about the wisdom of taking so many young Padawans to a Sith necropolis to search for an insane sociopath (possibly a true psychopath, though it’s hard to tell, since it’s so difficult to get anything like a real, reliable read on the young man) and a truly mad sociopath of a scientist merely on the word of some black market thief alone, too; for once, though, the High Council seems to support Obi-Wan’s conclusion about the possibility of the Sith’s involvement and the danger inherent in letting Omega and Zan Arbor join the Sith, so unfortunately they end up having to go to Korriban anyway, even though an almost palpable sense of doom hangs over the whole mission.

 **76.) Lip:** Ferus is the senior-most Padawan on this operation and he damn well knows how to put together and/or repair a lightsaber that’s taken some light mission-related damage, and that hypocritical little frakker Skywalker can take his damn holier-than-thou attitude and pretensions of being better than everyone else and shove them up his no doubt well-sprung ass, if he thinks Ferus is going to take any lip from the likes of him!

 **77.) Suicide:** He literally can _not_ believe what just happened – Tru’s lightsaber was just _fine_ one moment and the next it fizzled out like a candle in a rainstorm; his reflexes had him reaching out to the Force immediately, even though his body was still gaping dumbly in shock, to yank Tru back out of the way of the line of fire; and then Darra, as if trying to see if she could get away with committing suicide by making it seem as though she’d been shot in defense of a suddenly weaponless friend, leaped to interject herself between where Tru had been and the bolts that had been aimed for him, blocking three successfully before being hit squarely by the fourth – and the first words out of his mouth, when he reaches Darra’s side, reflect that incredulous shock, the half furious and half frankly bewildered demand of, "What in the Sith hells did you do _that_ for? I had him just fine! I was _fine_! You didn’t need to get in the line of fire!" revealing a sentiment that’s a little bit less than tactful, perhaps, for someone who’s obviously seriously wounded.

 **78.) Interference:** If not for Anakin’s interference (snarling, "Get the hell away from her, you _sleemo_! You’ve already done enough harm!" while bodily snatching him away from her, just as he was laying his Force-infused hands over the wound, to channel enough healing energy into it to keep her from bleeding out or going into shock from a combination of pain and blood loss), he could have saved Darra Thel-Tanis’ life – once, on a particularly memorably awful mission, he came across a human torture victim who’d had roughly ninety percent of his body skinned and successfully regenerated the strips of skin carefully meticulous millimeters at a time, without ever even coming close to losing him, and he even managed to save a vivisection victim once, for stars’ sakes, without the young woman taking any lasting physical harm from the experience! Given a chance to actually work on Darra’s wound, he could have _easily_ fixed the single damned blaster bolt to the lower side, perforated stomach and nicked liver or not! – and he’s _never_ going to forget that or forgive Anakin for it, for as long as he lives, so help him!

 **79.) Repair:** Tru insists that Anakin didn’t touch the lightsaber, after Ferus repaired it and forbade Anakin from interfering with it in any way, but frankly Ferus doesn’t believe him – he saw the nonstandard modification to the power source and adjusted for it accordingly, in his repair work, and so there’s no logical, rational explanation for the power to have given out on it the way it eventually so disastrously did, unless either someone else sabotaged it or it took more damage again between the repair and that battle where it gave out, and, since he knows that the second didn’t happen (unless the damage was either inflicted secretly, somehow, while they were sleeping, or else done deliberately, by the lightsabers’s own owner, which would make absolutely no sense whatsoever), the only answer left is that Anakin got hold of the weapon somehow and did something to it to make it malfunction, so that Ferus would end up being blamed for a faulty repair – and the two end up quarreling over it bitterly, with the result being that when Anakin manipulates Obi-Wan into standing behind him and twisting everything about so that it seems like Darra’s death is Ferus’ fault, he has no one to stand with him before the High Council to try to explain what really happened, since Siri wasn’t there for part of it all and Tru insists that it’s not fair to blame Anakin entirely when they don’t know for sure what really happened to make his lightsaber fail when it did; thus, Ferus has no choice, really, but to try to persuade the High Council otherwise, with the even more disastrous result of Anakin twisting _that_ all around and making it seem as though Ferus is using the Dark Side to glamour everyone into supporting him (which he _wasn’t_! He was only using his power to make them _listen_ to him as he told the truth about what had happened!) and making the Masters all panic and fear him, to the point where, the next thing he knows, he’s being summarily thrown out of the Order for (of all things!) using the Force to attempt to suborn others to his will and for failing to save the life of Darra Thel-Tanis, even though it was patently Anakin Skywalker’s fault that she died, given his interference at the most critical of points, when she still could have been healed enough to be saved!

 **80.) Order:** Anakin Skywalker thinks he has won, but so long as Ferus lives he is determined that Anakin ultimately will fail, and so he pretends to go along with the High Council and agree with his banishment for not saving Darra’s life, waiting and biding his time, and, when the so-called Chosen One comes to gloat, he is ready for the boy, the memory of every single one of their encounters (especially the ones that Skywaker has forgotten) and his knowledge of the true motivations behind those encounters, his understanding of every single one of Anakin’s myriad flaws and faults and failings (including everything he knows about the ugly snarled tangle of fear and shame Skywalker feels, for his attraction not just to Ferus but to men in general and his own Master specifically) held squarely in the front of his mind, prompting him to laugh at the boy’s posturing and sneer, "You think you’ve won? You think you’ve defeated _me_? I know what you are, Anakin Skywalker. You’re nothing but a fraud, a hypocrite and a whore, and that’s all you’ll ever be. You think Obi-Wan is still going to love you, when he knows what you are? He _will_ know, someday. I promise you that. He will know it as surely as I know. See yourself as I see you – as I _know_ you, Skywalker! – and know that it is the truth of you. Know that, one day, Obi-Wan will know it, too. You may have carved out a victory for yourself here, with your lying and cheating, but it will not last. The truth will out. You’ll show your true colors soon enough. And Obi-Wan will know you for the weakling and the fraud and the monster that you are. I _promise_ you that, Anakin Skywalker! You will _not_ win this war with me," smiling coldly even as he makes the promise, infusing his words with as much of the Force as he possibly can and making the coward go still and silent and _listen_ , unable to try to resist or move away, caught in the web of Ferus’ words as he readies the memories and his knowledge, at the last moment throwing them not directly into Anakin’s conscious mind (aware that it would in all probability seem to drive the boy instantly insane and that Obi-Wan, turned against him as he is, would be likely to simply kill Ferus out of hand for causing Anakin pain, rather than try to ascertain what was happening and why) but instead into that gray area between the conscious and unconscious minds, that in between area where things will subconsciously register but not surface completely for hours, days, weeks, even years, knowing that the images and knowledge will torment the boy’s sleep and likely keep him from being able to meditate successfully alone ever again and grimly amused at the knowledge of what Anakin will find lurking behind his eyes, whenever he tries to rest or relax, from now until the point when he either acknowledges that it’s the truth sufficient for it all to rise fully into his conscious mind, remembering those times with Ferus and his weaknesses and desires again, despite Zan Arbor’s drugs, or (unlikely to happen, but possible, he supposes) finally learns enough self-control to be able to lock the images away enough to keep them from randomly tormenting him whenever he relaxes his guard or lets his thoughts wander.

 **81.) Speech:** Tru surprises him by coming to visit, once, before he is to be shipped off of Coruscant to whatever distant place the High Council Masters think they can tuck him away where he won’t be able to cause any more supposed harm to anyone, sliding stealthily into the antechamber of the so-called "guest suite" he’s been locked within (a not very cleverly disguised prison, given that there are no real doors, even to the necessary or the shower – only curtains – and a transparisteel barrier between the antechamber and the so-called receiving area of the living room, dotted near the top with regularly spaced holes, to allow two individuals to converse without the second having to risk coming within the suite proper) in the middle of the night and calling out until Ferus rouses from sleep and pads out to meet the Teevan, who has transformed from male to female since last they saw one another, waiting only until he’s asked what’s wrong before launching into an obviously prepared speech – "I haven’t got much time, but I thought I owed you this much. I’ve seen you heal, Ferus. You could have saved Darra’s life, if Anakin hadn’t interfered. I know that. I acknowledge it. But I swear to you that, so far as I know, my lightsaber never went further from me than my hand beneath my pillow at night. If there was any tampering, the one responsible would’ve either had to have been good enough to avoid waking me when stealing the ’saber and then returning it or else strong enough to take the memories of the tampering from me. Anakin is many things, but that good a thief or that skilled at tampering with memories he is not. The ’saber failed. If someone caused it, it was not you, or I, or Darra, or Anakin. You should look for that person, if you honestly believe the malfunction wasn’t just a result of all the patchwork repairs, one on top of the other. Don’t seek to place me in one of your conspiracy theories. I have _always_ been your friend and _always_ been loyal to you, while you were loyal to me, Ferus Olin. If I did not stand with you against the Council, you have no one to blame but yourself. You should have told me more about your suspicions. And you should have told me what you can do. You _know_ how the Council can be, when the Masters are afraid. You made them look bad. You made them fear. That, more than anything, is why they turned on you. You know it and I know it. You shouldn’t have tried to force them to listen. It was stupid and dangerous and against the rules to tamper with their free wills in an open session, and you know it. You earned your dismissal from the Order with _that_ , not Darra. Don’t ever believe differently or allow others to think otherwise. You have a talent the Order’s never seen before – or if it has, then that knowledge has been lost, either deliberately or otherwise – and you’re _very_ strong in the Force. That makes you dangerous, Ferus. It doesn’t just make you a potential threat: it means you could become a weapon. The Council Masters are unwise to let you go like this. I _know_ you. You don’t forget wrongs and you don’t forget those who’ve hurt others wrongfully. Don’t let their fear shape you, Ferus. You’ve got it in you to be better than all of them. So _do_ that. Prove them wrong. Find someone who can teach you – Djinn Altis or the Silver Paladins or _someone_ – and become a true force for good in the galaxy. Prove yourself a true Jedi Bendu, despite them. Anakin is strong and he means well, usually, but he’s no Chosen One, no matter what anyone may say. I’ve _never_ believed that. If _anyone_ is that one, it’s Obi-Wan. And he’ll need you, later, when Anakin fails to rise to the task. Sometime. Some day. He’ll need you and, if you know what’s best for you, you’ll have taken steps and you’ll be ready and waiting and able to help him. He’ll see you again for the person you truly are and not be blinded anymore by his Master’s last request or Anakin’s charm. Just be patient and be careful and be wise about this. You aren’t ready to be out there alone, with no Master, no teachers, no Order. Find yourself someone who can help finish training you, a place to call home, people you can trust. Don’t isolate yourself. Don’t behave like a martyr. Don’t let the freedom go to your head. And for stars’ sakes, don’t forget the second Sith is still out there! You could be useful to the Sith, Ferus. _Very_ useful. Don’t fall into that trap. Don’t let evil beings use you or get the better of you. Do what’s right, for yourself and for the galaxy, and just be patient and make ready and trust in the Force. I believe that the Force has plans for you – that it must, to have given you such a gift and so many talents – and I want to be able to see you again, when you’re ready to fulfill that destiny. Don’t let what the High Council is doing to you ruin your life or your plans. Just because the High Council Masters can’t see what’s in front of them, that’s no reason for you to give up. I still believe in you. And I believe in Obi-Wan. I’ll watch over him as much as I can, while you’re gone. It’ll be harder, since I can’t even pretend to be friends with Anakin any longer, but I’ll figure out a way to do it, since you won’t be here. I promise you that. You don’t need to worry. Garen and I are fairly close and you _know_ how he is, about Obi-Wan. We’ll keep him safe. Just – just don’t give up, alright? Find Master Altis. Or someone similar. Study. Learn how to control that gift instead of letting it control you, like it did when you tried to use it against the High Council. Be a true Jedi Bendu. Be patient. Wait. Your time will come, so long as you trust in the Force. And remember me, Ferus. I am still your friend. I’ll help you, later, if I can, if you’ll let me. But you have to be able to let me, understand? Don’t let them win. Just – just _don’t let them win_. Be stronger than they are. Be the person I know you can be. Wait. Wait for the Chosen One to rise. Wait for him to need you, to be ready for you. And then help him. Let him see you. Be there for him to lean on. And remember me. Lean on me, if you need the support. I’ll do everything I can to help, if you’ll just let me. Remember that. Be strong. Be patient. The Force will be with you – _always_. Trust in that. Believe. Things will come right, in the end, if you just give the Force a chance to set them right again. Take care. I – I will miss you, my friend. It won’t be the same here, without you!" – before, with obvious teary-eyed reluctance, pressing her right hand flat to the barrier separating them in farewell, barely lingering long enough for Ferus (stunned by the outpouring of words and still trying to decide if they’re meant in good earnest or not, if it might not perhaps make more sense, all things considered, for Tru to be compromised, to maybe be an unwitting agent of the Sith, even, gotten to during that horrible time on Korriban when they were lost and fumbling about fairly literally in the dark) to raise his own left hand and press it to the other side of the transparisteel barrier, his longer fingers lapping visibly over the tips of Tru’s much smaller hand print, before whirling abruptly about and departing, fleeing as though actually afraid of being run down by someone or something with sinister designs, leaving Ferus to gape in surprise after the Teevan and wonder whether or not the whole thing might’ve been a trick or if he should indeed attempt to seek out Master Altis or the Silver Paladins or some other similar individual or organization, whether the High Council might want him to do so or not (if the Masters would even let him try to do so), and continue his studies as if he were still a true Jedi apprentice.

 **82.) Black:** The High Council Masters, ironically enough, have him booked on a vessel run by the Medi-Corps, on a routinely scheduled run through the Core out to at an Agri-Corp world, Bellassa, where he is meant to ultimately disembark and join up with the computer techs who keep that planet’s cycles of planting, harvesting, and trading flowing smoothly; he doesn’t even last a night, on that world, though: a young man with black hair and eyes and a presence in the Force that all but screams of immense power well banked behind formidable shields approaches him in a pub the evening they make planetfall, and, after unceremoniously approaching him with an only thinly veiled offer to recruit him on behalf of an organization that operates according to rules older than the Ruusan Reformations and believes that the establishment of peace and order throughout galaxy is far preferable to pandering to the politicos who seek naught but their own self-aggrandizement and wealth, at the expense of the beings they’re meant to be representing and protecting, Ferus, liking the look of the man very much and thoroughly impressed by the fact that his own particular brand of persuasion and charisma can worm nothing else about this Force-based organization but a smiling promise that it will be far different – and much better – than anything Ferus might expect or imagine, extends his hand and is summarily drawn into an embrace, the young man murmuring, "Welcome to the Brotherhood, Ferus," in his right ear, his hot breath promising so much more than mere welcome or approval that Ferus finds himself reflexively hardening, automatically responding to those enticing hints of "more" with a surprising amount of hunger and longing.

 **83.) React:** Hints of darkly smouldering promise in the raven-haired man’s voice or not, Ferus is hoping that he won’t notice the embarrassingly overenthusiastic response of his body to that provocatively whispered welcome and the sudden proximity of the man’s warm (and undeniably handsome) body, not expecting this stranger to react favorably to having a rampant erection pressed against his side by someone he’s only just met; the man surprises him, though, in the most pleasurable way possible, pulling back in the embrace just enough to be able to smirk at him darkly and gain leverage enough to roll and snap his hips in an agonizingly slow and teasing churn that presses only hints of pressure and heat up against Ferus and has an embarrassing noise of want catching in the back of his throat, making his face flame with mortification even as his body presses involuntarily forward, just in time to catch the full effect of the almost painfully violent snapping thrust up into him at the end of that taunting circling ghost of a grind, the low moan dissolving into a breathy high-pitched whine of want that makes the man (who’s said his name is Saviell, though Ferus has doubts about that, considering the potentially delicate nature of a cold recruitment and how many things could go wrong with just such an attempt) grin savagely and lunge in for a devouring kiss, the motion of his mouth (of his lips, his teeth, and, _Force_ , his tongue) so skillful and so demanding that Ferus opens up helplessly, melting pliantly against him, without protest letting him do whatever he wants, with the end result that they end up locked in some random storage room at the back of the pub, dusty shelves digging awkwardly into Ferus’ back (leaving rows of bruises that will linger for days, afterwards) as the stranger forcefully manhandles him into place, putting that sinful mouth and clever hands to use to give him the first in a series of orgasms so intense that Ferus actually blacks out during the peak of his pleasure and is more than a little stunned to come back to his senses to find himself kneeling down on all fours on the dirty floor, spread wide and already abundantly prepared, the man’s hot body draped purposefully across his back, whispering a stream of delicious filth in his ear as he slides in with just one all but effortless slow gliding thrust of his hips.

 **84.) Bed:** The last person Ferus had in his bed was Darra Thel-Tanis, almost a month previously, but he’s had so many different beings under such myriad varying circumstances that he is more than confident enough of his skill and stamina and flexibility and creativeness and sheer ability in bed to know that he could get (practically) anyone he wanted in his bed and, if he truly wanted to, keep that being so satisfied and so enthralled, then, that Ferus himself would have to be the one to break things off, as the other person would never even dream of bringing an end to such a pleasurable arrangement, no matter what the specifics of that arrangement might entail; Saviell, though (he gives Ferus no other name – not even a surname – and, though he still has his doubts about the man’s identity, he doesn’t dare call the man out on them, for fear losing his offer – of losing _him_ – and finding himself cast off once again and alone in the galaxy), isn’t quite like anyone else he’s ever met, and the sheer level of _want_ (of _need_ , if he’s being perfectly honest) the man so effortlessly inspires in him is so great, so all-consuming, that not only do they rarely manage to make it to a bed (or if they do manage it, then, barring an actual disaster – and even then, sometimes, that isn’t enough to register as more than a temporary inconvenience – it takes days to pry them back out of it again), but the sheer lack of caring (of concern or shame) about his increasingly obvious level of dependency on the man is so all-pervasive that, even though the more rational side of Ferus is aware, logically, that he ought to be alarmed, he just can’t bring himself to give a flying frak about any of it so long as Saviell continues to keep him by his side and remains willing to keep giving him the most incredibly pleasurable experiences of his life.

 **85.) Dysfunctional:** He’s so used to living his life in a nonstop cycle of missions and training, with little time for personal diversions and even less time for any kind of significant relationship not modeled in some fashion on that of a teacher-pupil bond, that it doesn’t even occur to him that his relationship with Saviell would be considered unconventional, at best, and dysfunctional, at worst, by the majority of the rest of the human and near-human population of the galaxy, until after Saviell stops accompanying him on the majority of his new missions and it occurs to him that, first of all, since he’s lucky to see the man more than once or twice in the space of a month, it would be insane to turn down any offers he might receive, either while on mission or when he’s returned to his new home and base of operations, since only a fool would expect physical fidelity in a relationship involving as much distance and time spent apart as theirs so increasingly does (and, while he might perhaps be a little bit more inclined to be possessive and/or obsessive than normal, when it comes to Saviell, Ferus Olin is most certainly not a fool), and, second of all, since they’re neither one of them fools, it’s entirely likely that the relationship never _has_ been monogamous . . . a thought that causes him to experience an odd twinge in the area of his heart so painful that it makes him sit down very rapidly, indeed, as it also occurs to him that perhaps there might be something slightly off-kilter (maybe even _wrong_ ) about the relationship . . .

 **86.) Fight:** By the time Ferus begins to suspect he’s been not just a little bit misled (to make the organization look better to a possible new recruit), perhaps, but actively lied to, about the nature of the organization he’s so eagerly allowed himself to be recruited to, he’s learned enough about the corruption in the Senate and in the Order that frankly it matters less to him whom it is he’s allied with and why than it does that at least they’re doing what they can to fight that corruption and strive for order and true justice in the galaxy rather than simply letting the jaded corporate sharks and the money-grubbing conglomerations and porcine greedy Senators and two-faced, bought off Masters of the High Council run wild and do as they wish . . . though it’s not _quite_ enough to keep him from being more than a little angry about being lied to, especially by Saviell, who he starts going out of his way to avoid, unable to trust himself (either his temper or his resolve to stay away from the man) alone in his presence any longer.

 **87.) Harder:** He learns, by degrees, to be harder, to be less concerned with fairness than with justness, less concerned with avoiding causing pain than with doing the greatest possible amount of good for the greatest possible amount of beings, to harden his heart against the whining of those who put profit above all else and try to use the law to get away with thievery and rapine, to care less about the letter of the law than that which is obviously right or wrong and to be willing to sacrifice his own conscience and peace of mind for the greater common good, and, only a few years after his arrival on Byss, finds himself looking back on the fair-playing and utterly taken advantage of fool he was, while he was still in the Jedi Order, and wishing he’d thrown his scruples aside (because really, what the hell good did they do him, anyway, in the long run?), both before and after the whole thing with Jenna Zan Arbor, and cornered Skywalker, using his knowledge of all those deep flaws and faults to break him open like an egg for an omelet, just shatter him, smash him to pieces, use his fear and self-hatred as weapons until he had the boy begging Ferus to strip the skin off his body and kissing his feet for teaching him how to use pain to cleanse himself of his faults and make him so utterly useless for anyone and anything except maybe acting as a bedwarmer and whipping boy for anyone with the desire to use him.

 **88.) Work:** His work, as one of the Brotherhood, has turned out to be remarkably like that of a member of the Jedi Order, with a few telling exceptions – no limits imposed by the politicking of the High Council or the Senate politicians who’ve allowed themselves to be bought off by the corporations and so-called "special interest" groups, meaning that there’s no longer any need for him to worry about upsetting anyone’s ambitions or purse strings; no need to be careful of the so-called rights of his targets or the lives of any hired thugs (guilt often very much so being a matter of association, in all truthfulness); no need for the gathering of overwhelming physical evidence or the concoction of clever plans to make the criminals expose themselves (if he’s been given a target, it’s because the researchers of the Brotherhood have already found more than enough evidence of wrongdoing to be sure of guilt, after all. He goes in; he uses his talents to get the target alone or at least as alone as possible, using the Force to keep anyone from struggling too much; he makes them confess guilt or innocence and, if they’re innocent – a possibility that he hasn’t quite consigned to the impossible file, though it certainly hasn’t happened yet and he finds the probability of it happening increasingly slim. There have been a few who weren’t guilty of all of the specific crimes he went after them for, but they were all guilty of enough others to more than warrant punishment – erases their memories of his visit, but if they’re guilty he makes them record a list of all of their evil deeds and then suicide [Force persuasion really _is_ one of the most useful things in all the ’verse, as he more than has cause to be aware of], though not until after deeding their ill-gotten gains to either their surviving victims or else, if there are no such survivors, to the Brotherhood; and, if there’s anyone at hand still alive and unbroken enough to rescue, he either turns them loose with plenty of creds from those who’ve hurt them and the names of some professionals for doctoring/therapy or else sends them to Byss to be patched up and given truly meaningful work, helping to care for the members of the Brotherhood or helping to track down other criminals for the Brotherhood to take care of), which certainly helps make things go _much_ faster; and, best of all, no need to ever leave loose strings or have to worry about criminals using lawyers to get out of ever having to pay for their heinous crimes – and, frankly, the cleanness and simplicity and utter efficacy of his new job so far outweighs the old one that he can’t help but feel even more disappointed and disgusted with the Jedi Order and the increasingly apparent corruption plaguing it.

 **89.) Overflow:** The brevity of most of his missions means that he’s able to go on a lot more of them at much, much less overall risk to himself; yet, because he’s always careful to search out all of the victims of his targets (his gift allowing him to get a recitation of names and/or descriptions all the way back to days of childhood bullying), he gathers far more allies and friends than he did as a Jedi, with the result being that the operation of Byss grows by leaps and bounds and their network of information gatherers and spies manages to spread out through the galaxy with such speed that they quickly end up discovering more targets than they can easily keep up with or take care of, causing Ferus to go out of his way to try to search out more operatives closer to his own levels to try to recruit, to deal with the overflow.

 **90.) Support:** He advances steadily through the Brotherhood’s ranks, his strengths and ability to get things gone permitting a rapid rise that often requires Ferus to call on his particular talent for smoothing ruffled feathers, to keep fellow members disgruntled by both his spotless record and his increasingly meteoric ascension from trying to do anything to get in the way, trip him up, or slow him down, eventually resulting in a fairly solid block of support and power resting squarely behind him, with almost all of the support staff joining in on his side.

 **91.) Urge:** It’s a fairly simple thing to do, to organize a network of spies to keep track of Obi-Wan for him, and the regular reports and holo footage are supremely comforting, most of the time, though increasingly Ferus finds himself having to fight hard against the urge to try to order someone into going after and taking out Skywalker, knowing, logically, that it would be little more than a death order (the boy is a fraud but he’s clever and powerful and supremely terrified of death, besides which he also happens to currently be protected by the actual Chosen One, who’s thoroughly enamored by the boy’s wiles, meaning that anything short of dropping an actual supernova on the boy is supremely likely to end in messy failure), but so increasingly furious with the idiot that he all but itches bodily with the urge to take Skywalker out.

 **92.) Ache:** He surprises himself by missing Tru, even though he’s still not at all sure that the Teevan ever told him the complete truth about anything, much less that thrice-damned lightsaber, finding himself at odd times turning about to ask Tru something or to share a joke or some small anecdote, only to be reminded all over again that he’s no longer in the Order and Tru isn’t likely to be there by his elbow ever again, the jolt of loss and anger making him twitch and frown with ill will towards those who separated them, the Teevan’s absence like a nagging itching ache from a wound that won’t ever quite fully heal.

 **93.) Itch:** There are plenty of people in the Brotherhood to distract him from his losses and ill-treatment by the Order (and by Saviell, as well, though he tries very hard not to think on that too much, since it is because of Saviell’s deception, after all, that he’s even here in the Brotherhood at all, and, as much as he resents having been lied to, he does enjoy and feel proud of himself for the work he’s doing here and he’s appreciative of the fact that he’s been given the chance to do so much good), and he certainly avails himself of them (and why not? They’re available, and it’s one of the easiest and surest ways to let him work his particular brand of magic, binding hearts and minds securely to himself. Something about such intimate contact, even if it doesn’t particularly translate to anything much more than the scratching of a mutual itch or a way to show strength, helps to solidify his allure, his hold, his power over others, and it’s not as if he’s bound himself to someone to whom he owes faithfulness. Unless he’s right and it’s meant to be Obi-Wan, then he’s yet to find the other half of his soul, if indeed such a single being truly exists); yet, he finds himself often distracted by memories and easily bored, his liaisons rarely lasting even as long as they had at the Temple, given how much harder he finds it to devote enough of his time and attention either to attempts to be courted or attempts to seduce others.

 **94.) War:** When the war starts, he’s faced with the dilemma of wanting to fight for the people and knowing without question that neither side in the conflict truly deserves to win – that it would, in fact, spell disaster for the sentient beings of the galaxy, should either side win – and is relieved to discover that the mastermind behind the founding of the organization is laying plans to sweep in at the last moment, when one side or the other has finally managed to win a definite overall victory, and then crush the winner utterly, so that both Separatists and Republic Loyalists can be removed from the galactic playing board and a new and truly orderly power can be created from out of their ashes and unite the galaxy once and for all behind a truly _just_ rule.

 **95.) Concern:** The first time one of his pathetic targets refers to him (hysterically) as a Dark Jedi, his first response is to laugh; when the babbling fool soils himself and begins to beg and grovel for the "mighty Sith Lord" to excuse his ignorance and spare his poor wretched life (he does neither, of course. The fellow is thoroughly despicable, a thief and a liar and a seller of children. He deserves a slow, agonizing death, and Ferus strains his mercy considerably in order to kill him fairly quickly), though, he begins to wonder, a little bit, about his methods . . . though his concern last no longer than the identification of his next target, a drug dealer who likes to take his pleasures with prepubescent humans and near-humans and then feed them to his pet rancors when he’s done with them.

 **96.) Reveal:** He has personally identified, hunted down, and killed precisely eleven hundred and seventy-nine unabashed degenerates and their equally vile lackeys and hired blasters before the Brotherhood’s leader sees fit to reveal himself to Ferus . . . and by then, of course, it’s already far, far too late to try to protest or to break free or indeed to do much of anything at all but allow Sidious to name him his star pupil and assign him control over the whole of the Brotherhood that is the Sith Master’s Byss project, accepting the power and trust eagerly, unhesitatingly, without any questions or reservations, swearing to do Darth Sidious’ will and to craft the Brotherhood into a force for order such as the galaxy has never known or even dreamed of, before.

 **97.) Disagreement:** His recruiter and still sometimes lover, revealed finally as Malorum, a Dark Adept of exceptional power, ambition, and lack of morality, takes vicious exception to Ferus’ advancement within the Brotherhood, having long coveted such a position of power for himself, and responds by attempting to drug Ferus with a powerful mind-altering substance (similar to some of Jenna Zan Arbor’s monstrous concoctions) that would, if ingested, essentially strip him of his will, addict him to the drug, and render him utterly dependent on Malorum, resulting in a certain . . . disagreement and the dealing of a lesson that begins with a nasty scuffle that leaves some nasty bruises and a few cuts deep enough to require treatment (which Ferus eventually rather furiously uses the Force to heal in a matter of minutes, so that the deceiving bastard won’t be able to tell he’s hurt him) on Ferus, progresses to Ferus’ hands around the traitor’s neck even as he uses the Force to methodically break each and every one of the many tiny bones in the man’s hands and feet, moves on to a force-feeding of the drugged wine to the screaming, sobbing, pathetic wreck, progresses through what is, to Malorum, no doubt an excruciating three months of withdrawal during which he makes sure to damage the man in some new fashion with the Force at least once every day, and, eventually, ends with Malorum quite willingly prostrated at his feet, begging for Ferus to have his way with him and to do anything and everything whatsoever he might will with him, just so long as he might prove of some use to Ferus.

 **98.) Fun:** He’s normally not a big fan of pain – even with the most despicable of his targets, he tries to always remember to be merciful, to let them end themselves however they want to, so long as it will be (at least relatively) quick – but Malorum’s treachery leaves him shaking with affronted fury, and, when the betrayer’s little pet tries to come at him, for having taken down Malorum, well . . . in the end, it proves to be almost as much fun (and, given her attachment to her Master, very nearly as necessary, in a purely practical sense) to break Malorum’s young protégée as it was to break him, though there is somewhat less satisfaction to be found in her body than in the stripping away of her shields, Hydra having long since taught herself to ignore most kinds of pain and to register very few emotions indeed, in order to survive her apprenticeship to such a manipulative sadist as Malorum.

 **99.) Attention:** As it turns out, the truly lovely thing about breaking people is that, as long as a modicum of attention is paid to the process(es) by which the specific individuals are made to break, those beings can later be pieced back together again in such a way as to preserve all of their best parts (their brilliant minds, for example, or their utterly ruthless methods of operation against properly given targets) while also entirely removing all of their undesirable parts (personal ambition against Ferus, for example) and forcing them to a certain loyalty (even though, before, such a thing might’ve been absolutely alien to their true natures) that they will neither be able to nor truly want to deny, and, with this truth staring him blatantly in the face, following his breaking and refashioning of both Malorum and Hydra, he once again finds himself darkly cursing the scruples that kept him from simply breaking Anakin Skywalker and remaking him as something of absolute no use to the Jedi Order while he still had the chance.

 **100.) Lunatic:** Ferus may be in charge of the Byss project, but that doesn’t mean he’s suddenly turned into a raving lunatic wanting nothing but absolute power and not particularly caring how he gets it or how many beings have to suffer for him to get it: he’s a Jedi, as he always has been, a warrior for peace and order and the preservation of the greatest common good, and if he has to use Sith, Dark Jedi, Dark Adepts, and other such Force-benighted corrupt souls in order to do the Force’s will and return sanity to the galaxy, well . . . if the so-called Jedi are too corrupt to help him, then they deserve neither their titles nor any pity, as far as he’s concerned, and, if the scum are all so eager to be used, then who is he to refuse them the chance to be of actual, practical, constructive use, when the Force has seen fit to place such tools as they are within his grasp?

 **101.) Easy:** It’s _easy_ , so ridiculously _easy_ , to bind them all to his will – break a few to inspire fear; give or promise some others what they most want, to win them over; say what is necessary to make each member of each stupid splinter sect believe that he is one of them and will eschew others and favor them above all, when all is said and done; and shine so brightly (so darkly, so deliriously) in their eyes that they go all but mad with the desire to follow him – that he almost ( _almost!_ ) feels the nagging tug of a disturbed conscience, for so clearly taking advantage of beings too stupid to even realize that they need to be trying to defend themselves against him.

 **102.) Advocate:** Sidious, while obviously pleased with the level of control Ferus has asserted over his subordinates (since his power over them all has, after all, dramatically cut down on the amount of lives lost and resources squandered to restless ambitions and petty fears and angers, making them that much stronger overall and permitting them to do much more than Sidious had ever hoped they could do to help pave the way for his Dark Empire), is almost as blatantly suspicious of and discomforted by the sheer amount of awed adulation behind most of that loyalty and obedience, and Ferus finds himself having to literally play Sith’s advocate, to stress how very important it is that Sidious should triumph in his plans and how much Ferus longs to see the day when the hypocritical, blind, weak, pathetic Jedi Order is cast down in ruins, to distract him and reassure him that Ferus has no designs on his as yet unrealized throne, subtly weaving the Force into his words to divert and dazzle the Sith Master with visions of a future where Sidious rules unquestioned over the orderly utopia of his Dark Empire.

 **103.) Danger:** The very fact that Sidious can be glamoured by his weaving of words and the Force would tell him that the Sith isn’t fit to rule anyone or anything (much less the whole of the known galaxy!), even if the man’s hatred, bigotry, and fanaticism hadn’t already set all of his internal danger senses to screaming with the man’s sheer _wrongness_ , and it is in the aftermath of that meeting (in which he has been forced to so demean himself as to all but pant with eagerness and unctuous, sycophantic gratitude, at the Sith Master’s suggestion that he will have to consider the matter of a new, far more appropriate name for Ferus) that he promises himself that, if the Order doesn’t discover the monster hiding in plain sight and rend him limb from limb from limb for his sheer effrontery, he will kill Sidious himself, with his own hands, rather than permit him to ever be crowned emperor of anything.

 **104.) Shock:** When Sidious is cast down, it is as if a shriek of joy has torn through the Force, all but deafening him with happiness and relief; yet, when that pretender, Anakin Skywalker, forces the true Chosen One to inflict whatever hideous scourging of the Force it is that Obi-Wan is tricked into performing, the shrieks and wails and piteous keening and awful screaming of curses seem _endless_ , as if every negative emotion ever felt by every being to ever live in the galaxy have all been gathered together and shoved headlong into the Force, making it all but impossible for him to move, much less think or be able to function, for over a week, though his recovery from the massive shock is far quicker and more thorough than that of the rest of the residents of Byss, many of whom are left utterly catatonic or essentially insane from the awful experience.

 **105.) Fight:** The decision to declare himself not only the leader of the Byss installation but the heir to all of Sidious’ plans and power and everything that implies, even if it means having to pretend to be a Sith Lord and take on a Sith title for himself, isn’t exactly a hard one, despite what some might think – after all, _someone_ has to take a stand against the insanity of a remade Jedi Order largely under the control of the self-proclaimed Sith’ari and save the Chosen One from his clutches, and it would be foolish indeed to waste such obvious resources, especially given that so many of the residents of Byss have good reason to hate both the Jedi and the Republic and will surely be willing to fight, especially if they feel as if there might be advantage in it for them and, more importantly, for him, since he’s gotten them to all but worship him, by this point – but he finds it harder than he expected, to actually assume a title and take on the mantle, even if the discovery of the strangely menacing black armor makes it easier, in a way, to live the lie, the mask hiding much he might not have been able to properly sublimate, otherwise.

 **106.) Monster:** Tarkin is unquestionably a monster (he knows it as soon as he gets within sensing distance of the man and gets nothing but an overwhelming wave of ravening evil), he still owes that psycho Jenna Zan Arbor an unspeakably hideous death, and this insane notion of breeding clones of Sidious (who was fairly handily defeated by Obi-Wan and Skywalker, so really, he honestly doesn’t see the point, even if he has to admit that it could be . . . slightly humorous, perhaps, to see the expression on Skywalker’s face, if he were to suddenly be faced with an entire passel of the Sith Master’s clones all at once) makes his head ache all the way down to his teeth with the sheer illogic of it all; he very much so wants access to the designer disease that’s supposed to target sentient species resistant to the Force (and, thus, very likely immune to his particular . . . charms), though, and his army is not yet so large that he can afford to turn down allies with such resources as these individuals command, so . . . the alliance is made, even though he can already tell that it will never ( _can_ never) last.

 **107.) Value:** There are certain things that he’s deliberately refrained from ever mentioning to anyone, usually because he expects the knowledge to be of personal value to him someday, and the fact that he not only knows about the so-called Witches of Dathomir (and knew about them long before Sidious decided he was worthy of being told about them) but also knows exactly where Dathomir is located in the galaxy, due to an extra project he did once for a history course at the Temple, is one of those things he’s long assumed he’ll be glad to know of, eventually, and he’s not disappointed, when the time comes to consider spreading the word that there’s a strong, viable, _sane_ alternative to this so-called New Jedi Bendu Order and its New Alliance of the Republic: expanding his own forces is the first thing that he thinks of, then, and the possibility that Dathomir could essentially be an unchallenged recruiting ground is a close second, leading to the discovery of and persuasion/conversion of a group of such fiercely devote warriors for his cause, in his name, that he essentially gains an army of fanatically attentive, extremely strong Force Adepts to act as his personal guard.

 **108.) Nexus:** The Dathomiri, despite their fierceness and bizarre superstitions, are a surprisingly spiritual, almost mystical people – he suspects that their disgraced Jedi founder may’ve been Nabooian, despite the rarity of Jedi who hail from that planet, given how closely their ritualized worship of the Force as a living agent of life and of good (or of death and evil) in the universe seems to echo the Nabooian anthropomorphizing of the Force as a goddess of light and water and life – and, though there are some who, for whatever reason, struggle violently to avoid being captured and swayed by him to serve (which is disappointing and vexing, to be sure, but he considers them of little moment, in the long run. With ten thousand Dathomiri in his camp, what could a few hundred ragged fugitives possibly ever do to harm him, after all?), it is supremely easy to use that tendency towards mysticism, to bind them even more closely to him and his cause, since apparently he appears to them more as a nexus in the Force than as a regular person.

 **109.) Fortuitous:** The Dathomiri, surprisingly enough (or perhaps not so very surprisingly, after all) have legends of a figure that sounds (to him) very much so like the Chosen One, of a figure he interprets to be himself – a leader, a messiah, one who will bring them to the living avatar of life and change and power that is the Force – and also of a Darkness, an opponent, a corrupter and devourer of life, an agent of chaos and entropy and death that sounds an awful lot like Skywalker or Tarkin or both, to him, and, if it weren’t so fortuitous as to plainly be the work of the Force, he would almost suspect that the record keeper of Clan Dancing Springs is either deliberately lying to him or else clumsily attempting to please him by telling him only things she believes he would want to hear, for really, it makes things so very _easy_ for him as to almost seem too good a thing to be true.

 **110.) Reward:** Hydra and Malorum are a good working pair – they mesh well, compliment each other, and all but complete each other, in a way that almost makes him think of the best Master-Padawan pairs or one of the oft partnered Knight teams, put together time and again because they function so perfectly as a unit – and they’ve done good work for him (working brilliantly and tirelessly to capture and bring him the Dathomiri for conversion, for example), since he broke them to his will; therefore, he decides to reward them by making them the first couple whose marriage he personally presides over and blesses, joining their hands and, with the Force, infusing his voice and his hands, proclaiming them wed, two now forever one, telling them to make each other happy and wishing them many long years together and healthy children to enrich their lives, feeling that wish take an all but tangible form as it passes from his lips to his hands upon their hands, Hydra’s silver eyes flying wide with something like shock as a wave of the Force similar to but not quite the same as healing energy floods down into her, helping to make her ready to conceive.

 **111.) Familiar:** He dreams, sometimes, of a young man – about his height, with pale skin, gray-green eyes, dark hair bleached an almost metallic gold on the top layer, but with darker amber streaks underneath, oddly _familiar_ – who is sometimes with a young boy with bright blue hair and dark eyes and sometimes engaged in activities that tend to preclude other beings, and it happens enough that he wonders, occasionally, if this Roan person (as the boy calls him) isn’t someone he was supposed to have known, in a life where perhaps that debacle with the High Council never happened and Anakin was instead revealed for the fraud he truly is, permitting him to stay in the Order and win over and, eventually, claim the Chosen One for himself, without the need for all of this fuss (all of this pretending and performing, this circus) and bother . . .


	2. The New Hero’s Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This would be the (in)famous group poetry project (again). I feel as if I really ought to note here that, in Anakin's defense, a lot of his problem with the poem itself has to do with what he feels is a fairly open attack on him, personally, due to the unacknowledged (by Ferus or Tru or Darra or even Siri Tachi, really) fact that those three Padawans in particular led a sort of movement to see to it that Anakin would be referred to constantly (and often rather scathingly and/or sarcastically) as "hero" (for "hero of Naboo") as a way to try to set him apart from others in the Order, after he and Obi-Wan first returned to the Temple after Naboo, and the tendency of others around his age to use that title in a derogatory manner grew after the near-drowning incident (something which Anakin has, not too surprisingly, never really forgotten . . . or forgiven of others, either), which rather tends to reinforce his feeling of persecution!

Mid Rim Contemporary Culture - Advanced Seminar

**The New Hero’s Face**

By: Ferus Olin; Darra Thel-Tanis; Tru Veld

　

_Pour the dream. Speak_

_in myth. Pen words of story to call the hero:_

_transfigure life._

 

There is no more luxury for modernism. It is out of the question: there is no schizophrenic euphoria, only hard truths

(thoughts)

leaking out of shadowed corners.

 

 _For tragedy, one must have a hero with a_ fatal flaw _that will cause his_ fall _, guided by the hand of_ fate _._

 _For tragedy, one must have_ empathy _._

 _For tragedy, one must have_ destiny _._

 _For tragedy, one must have_ love _and_ betrayal _, but above all, there must be_ death _. No, above all, there must be a_ story _._

_Words shape_

_(distort)_

_what is real. By capturing the truth in words it changes._

_(We are all shoved into the spaces between the lines.)_

_Words have power. Words can carve_

_(change)_

_create_

_(cheat)_

_solidify a hero out of pure need._

 

Fight not with fate:

ask no questions:

it’s how the story goes.

 _(How it_ must _go.)_

Be happy:

walk alone:

die their champion

when they scream for blood.

 _(Sacrifice – destiny – darling –_ hero _!)_

Create your chains, as

_(mirror mirror O mirror)_

their need creates

_(shapes)_

you.

 

_"O my darling child, you are beautiful."_

Your soul is a temptation.

 

There is no need for fiction. Not in this.

Dissolution is delightfully easy.

There is bone

there is broken glass

there is lying

(phantasmal thoughts)

and no perfect endings.

 

_This is the way the story goes. The rules bind like ropes._

 

Click.

 

_and the hero in the story, the bloodstained cloaked stranger with dark(bright) eyes and full_

_whirl of cape flapping, with soft mouth and iron jaws and a voice too light(dark) to_

_remember or forget, he heard the hitching shrill and turned back, shining_

 

Click.

 

To escape, all one must do

_(I defy. I am!)_

is choose to break

_(the soul caught alight)_

the law.

 

( . . . )

 

 _The only guarantee is balance_ but

 _balance can_ shift _._

 

All things end

_(say die and I will die; say die and watch me die)_

we all fall down

_(bang bang you hit the ground)_

not with a bang but a whimper.

 

Heroes die, you see?

 

_(Myths that are believed in tend to become true.)_

 

Heroes die again (and again) and again.

 

The trick –

_(Click.)_

The trick –

**(Click.)**

The trick is transmutation by words to

_(freedom)_

transformation

_(metamorphosis)_

resurrection

_(creation)_

the consumption of death –

_(death, thou shalt die)_

for change is ownership.

_(Self-realization.)_

 

( . . . )

 

(You hit the ground, darling. I think

you just died, sweetheart.)

 

Bang.

 

**Bang.**

 

_(Laughter.)_

(Dreams.)

 

_Perhaps this is victory, too._

**Author's Note:**

>  **Author’s Notes: 1.)** As always, readers interested in knowing who the physical models are for EU characters, like Ferus, Tru, Darra, Roan Lands, Trever Flume, Malorum, and etc., or for original characters, like Jedi Knight Nemaria Tennyai, should _**please**_ consult the latest versions of my posted lists of cast original and EU characters and for handmaid(en)s and other important Nabooian characters, which are available on my LJ! It’s safe for readers to assume that, once I’ve made the decision to cast a character on a given person from the real world, that character’s physical model does not and will never change, even when moving among different AU series, unless **specifically** noted in the author’s notes! **2.)** Readers should **_please_** note that the details of Ferus’ backstory as regards to his parents and him being a Theelin-Epicanthix-Firrerreo-human mix are mostly original, as the creator of this particular EU character (Jude Watson) presents him as if he were human norm but describes him as having distinctly two-toned hair (dark brown but with a prominent streak of gold), as though he were Firrerreon or had at least some Firrerreon blood. The decision to give Ferus a Firrerreon mother and a Theelin-Epicanthix-human hybrid father came about largely as an attempt to explain his appearance, his exceptional grace and skill at fighting, and his deceptive/secretive nature. Readers should also please note that I do take a **_very_** different view of Ferus as a character than that taken in the EU by Ferus’ creator, Jude Watson, who created him to act as a foil for Anakin and proceeded to paint Ferus as though he were the hero and Anakin as if he were no more than a monster in training. In my opinion, the very fact that the EU writer fails to understand that Anakin came to the Order as a generous and open-hearted and loving and helpful and eager to please child and is gradually turned into something of a megalomaniac by the High Council’s eventual insistence that he’s the Chosen One and that he should be able to “bring balance to the Force” and that Jedi, as a whole, tend to be a lot more egomaniacal and self-righteous and certain of their own right and ability to do whatever the hell they want (so long as they can justify it as the will of the Force or in some way required by the mandate of a given mission) than normal folks, much less a former slave, would most likely be, means that she has no grounds to complain if her foil is actually written as such while Anakin is written as the actual hero of the story (as he’s gorram well supposed to be, after all, all things considered!). **3.)** The notion that Sidious believed so little in the Sith Rule of Two that he was already deliberately gathering various users of the Dark Side to his side long before he was in a position to ever declare himself Emperor is well established in both canon and EU, and frankly I think it’s ridiculous to assume that he would’ve left someone like Ferus alone, once he’d been turned out of the Jedi Order. The idea that Sidious already would’ve been working on what he eventually intended to become his throne world, on the Deep Core planet of Byss, in the years leading up to the Clone Wars, while perhaps not so precisely established by EU, is at least probable, in my opinion, given that populations were forcefully relocated there to work as slave laborers following the end of the Clone Wars. Thus, I’ve placed Ferus on Byss, as the one who would become the new leader of this gathering of Dark Side Adepts, Prophets of the Dark Side, Dark Acolytes, Dark Jedi, those who would’ve been Inquisitors, Dark Side Elite, various different agents of the Emperor, or etc., and all other lesser Force Adepts (including former Jedi initiates stolen from such organizations as the Agri-Corps), as collected by Sidious prior to his death. **4.)** Darth Sidious may not have known about the existence of Dathomir or the Dathomiri, prior to the end of the Clone Wars, according to most EU sources (though apparently the new _Clone Wars_ animated series is retconning this), but the Jedi most certainly did know all about the Witches of Dathomir, having lost _Chu’unthor_ because of them and essentially been forced to abandon their mobile praxeum program because of that, and, given that Ferus is very good at gathering information (even encrypted data kept in the restricted files of the Jedi Archives, given his friendship with a certain extremely skilled slicer by the name of Tru Veld), that means that Ferus most certainly could’ve known about both Dathomir and its Witches, which in turn makes it very likely that he would, eventually, do something with that knowledge, especially once he had declared himself a Dark Lord of the Sith.
> 
>  **Addendum:** The (in)famous group poem project (which so upsets Anakin) will be added at the back of this story, in a separate/second chapter!


End file.
